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Archive for February, 2011
Communication – Always room for improvement. Right?
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I keep wondering when I will get over the hump and never have to worry about my communication skills. I thought I had kids figured out, then I had a teenager. I thought I had marriage nailed down, then I started my business and my wife started working. I am ready to admit that maybe I just need to keep working at it.
What about you? Is there a person, a situation, or maybe a group that just has you scratching your head? Here are a few resources that are staples in my library.
Communicating (listening) to yourself:
- Career? Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer
- Job loss or another traumatic event? Journal – It builds personal resilience by processing your experiences for the day/week.
Communication with spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend: 2 book series by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn – For Women Only and For Men Only
Communicating in Conflict: Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott
I am convinced that every year a standard part of any development plan should be one item around communicating more effectively with a certain person, group, or in a particular situation. Imagine if we made a 5% improvement in this every year?
What resources for certain situations have you found helpful? Please share your thoughts . . . .
Silence – Creating it
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I have a weird tradition (at least according to my children) - I like to run in the middle of blizzards. I have learned to love it because of the silence I experience. Although I live in Michigan, sometimes it does not snow enough.
Most leaders I meet with display a real skill for driving action and results. Through one of the assessments I use, the Birkman Method, some of those leaders realize they have internal needs for time to rejuvenate. Silence helps them recover.
Unfortunately, leaders don’t get rewarded for silence, only action and results. The problem is without the former, focusing solely on the latter becomes a habit that can be destructive to ourselves and others.
Making a personal change requires focus and awareness, which requires some level of silence. A mentor of mine, Doug Silsbee, teaches a technique that gives the body a moment of silence. He calls it centering. Here is a link to his demonstration. Our ability to adopt new ways of doing things or to deal with an unexpected event depends on our ability to center, to find silence.
If you don’t think you need it, at least allow others around you to create it.
You do need it. We all need it.
Silence – Why it is powerful
I like 6am in my house, because it is quiet. The challenge with external quiet is that it makes any internal noise louder.
Silence is powerful.
- In an interview it tells the candidate that the question you asked is important enough to wait for an answer.
- In a one on one with a team member it allows the leader to send the message what you have to say matters to me.
- In a team discussion it allows the person who is hesitant to talk the time to muster up the courage to say something.
What people do with silence tells me a lot about who they are. I once interviewed with someone who filled the 75 minute interview with 60 minutes of what they thought. A warning sign . . . . but I still took the job. Ended up reporting to this person 3 months later. It did not end well.
Test your ability to create and use silence:
- Turn off everything electronic for 60 minutes during a day. What did the silence reveal for you?
- Go into a meeting with your team armed with only questions. What did your silence allow your team to reveal?
- On your drive home today turn off your radio and phone. How did you use the silence?
Leaders need to be creators of silence for themselves and others.
Related Articles
- The Power of Silence (teachinghighschoolpsychology.blogspot.com)
- In praise of… silence | Editorial (guardian.co.uk)
Resilience – The discussion starts(and continues) with transparency
I have had several opportunities to lead and participate in group discussions at retreat weekends. When I lieten to people share at the end of the weekend the message of I was encouraged to hear that I was not the only one struggling with ___________always appears. People find comfort in knowing that what they are feeling is common to others. All too often leaders are told or tell themselves they have to act more like a superhero than a person. While it is true that leaders should not run around like Chicken Little every time something unexpected happens (people do look to leaders for inspiration in the form of strength), that is not the transparency that I am talking about. Transparency is about admitting we are surprised or stressed, and then getting back to the work of dealing with whatever knocked us off-balance.
Resilience is not about not being rattled, it is about how quickly we recover. Someone I look to as a great voice in this is Doug Silsbee. Doug tells the story of a martial arts master who was once asked why he never seemed to be knocked off-balance. The master replied that he was constantly being knocked off-balance, but he had learned through practice to return to center very quickly. For the master who looked impenetrable, being transparent was about being honest when asked. Imagine the impact on those who came to him to learn? The students left that day recognizing the importance of practice in their own quest for mastery.
With an economic world that is so interconnected, there will constantly be events that surprise us/our businesses and knock us off-balance. Learning to absorb those blows and get back to center is a skill that people/leaders at all levels need. This path to resiliency starts by being willing to admit that, no matter what people see, we get shaken like everyone else.
Resilience – 4 Steps to NOT make it another initiative
Resilience is the new word for 2011. If you have not heard it yet you will. There is risk in using it because the definition sounds hard. Mirriam-Webster’s dictionary presents resilience as an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. Can you hear the chatter over coffee or lunch already? This as the potential to be a great Dilbert comic strip or episode on The Office.
So what would be the benefit to your team if people spent 50% less downtime after a major change? Are you concerned about burning out key people? Do you see no immediate end to the pace you are asking your teams to work? It is time to address how an organization can use the resilience discussion to give their leaders more energy and provide their teams with new skills to deal with the realities of a difficult business environment.
- Be transparent about your concerns: If everyone is feeling the stress and strain of an uncertain today or tomorrow then talk about it. People are more likely to take it seriously if they hear their leaders discussing it openly and making personal changes/efforts to increase their own resilience.
- Focus initially on self awareness / team awareness: A basic discussion about stress and how it happens for each of us is a good place to start. Just the knowledge of how each of us reacts to stress and how our teammates react allows discussions to happen in a way that people can help each other as they help themselves.
- Bridge awareness to ‘How do I cope?’: There is lots of research around the effect of exercise, yoga, friendships, and many other things that allow people to relieve stress or gather support. The key is to have people pick something and do it. For executives, this is often where coaching becomes a key tool so they can have a safe place to deal with their individual needs and support in making a change into a habit. For others, the support of a team or a few key friends at work is critical, so assist in building those relationships.
- Continue the discussion: In one on one meetings leaders should follow-up on commitments made to pursue friendships or get exercise. Maybe even pushing people to leave at lunch or make their 5pm yoga class. In team meetings – spend a few minutes at the beginning of the meetings hearing about key wins and key stress points this week. If someone sounds particularly stressed out make a habit to check in with them.
Resilience is a timely discussion given the current economic realities. Just don’t make it an initiative, make it a habit. How relevant is this topic to what you are seeing or hearing or feeling?
Related Articles
- Is Resilience The Right Message? Three things to consider before starting this discussion in your organization (trugroupscott.wordpress.com)
- 5 Steps to a More Resilient You (psychcentral.com)
- Max out on resilience and get happier at work (psychologytoday.com)
- Resiliency is key to surviving challenges (waronterrornews.typepad.com)