What is the secret to speaking what you feel about someones performance and having it end up in a place where the relationship is still intact (or stronger) and your thoughts are heard?

The first and only tip – Focus on how you request and receive feedback from others.

I read Jodi Glickman’s book Great on the Job, and one quote is stuck in my head.  It is under the chapter of Ask for Feedback and the heading of Say Thank You.  The quote is (p. 129):

The goal, however, is continuous improvement and learning, not just feeling good.  If you have a tough feedback session, remind yourself that the goal of the session is not to make you feel good.  The goal is to make you better at your job.

Talent management is about great conversations, and the definition of a conversation is a form of interactive, spontaneous communication between two or more people who are following rules of etiquette. (wikipedia)  We all need to hear what is going well, but we have to be able to hear what we can do better.  At the heart of this conversation is a lot of smaller conversations around -  How am I doing?  What is going well and where do I need to improve?

How can we use this as individuals?

First, recognize that giving feedback is a lost art for many leaders who are, themselves, caught in a spot where nobody is telling them what they are doing well (when is the last time you told your leader about something they did well?) and the list of to do’s is only getting longer.  So, our job as individuals is to ask for it well,  stay calm in the moment of receiving it, and respond by saying thank you without our faces getting red or our jaws tightening.  Then do something with it that creates momentum for you and the organization.

Second, put extra focus into defining your role/objectives and own the one on one time with your leader.  This makes talking about performance  easier.  Here is a template if you want an example of what that looks like.

Getting and giving good feedback is not easy, but it is pretty simple.  I wonder what would happen if both leaders and followers read this one chapter together and tried it for a couple of months.  My guess is some great conversations would happen.

What tips do you have for giving/getting good feedback?

Talent management is about having great conversations.  Sure the processes (interview/selection, onboarding, performance, succession planning, one on ones, etc) are important, but the impact of being present in that time and having both parties open to sharing, questioning, and listening makes the biggest impact.  I like this article because it provides some science behind what we know – it is healthy for us if someone is there to listen.

So what to do with this?  Here are two ways to enable more listening as a leader and one as a follower:

For the leader:

1. Make the one on one the responsibility of the your team member.  Their agenda (with imput from you) to cover what they need to and what they want to.  (Here is a link to a template and calendar for this)  There should be a time limit – but let them talk, and you listen.
2. Make a habit to get groups of employees together monthly to celebrate something (birthdays, employment anniversaries, etc.) and listen.

For the Follower:

1. When your leader comes around or asks “Are their any questions?”, be ready to ask.  Here are two to keep around:  What is one thing that has been keeping you up at night lately?  What have you learned lately?

In the book Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam he makes the case that if someone is a smoker and a loner it will have a greater impact on their life expectancy if they kept smoking and found some friends.  It is healthy to be listened to, and we need to remember to return the favor.

What are the themes to your story? I captured the key pieces into something I call trUYou™, which is a model to focus people on defining their Talents, Passions, Rewards, and Realities.

How have your themes made a difference at work and outside of work for you?  What are some of those successes?  Where have you failed and learned?

I partnered with Sara Kay Clark of Footlocker.com to create an experience at Mightybell.com that will take people through a 6 step process to be purposeful about sharing and building their U.  We define U as the personal brand the world sees, and we use the single letter U because we want to get away from the advertising/Madision Avenue imagery that the word brand often evokes.  Interested?  Here is a link to the experience – go see for yourself and join other travelers (a Mightybell term).

This Mightybell experience is a cross between a social experiment and a passionate charge to help people live purposefully.  I often say talent management is a great conversation.  As you will see in the Mightybell experience, we encourage you to have a conversation with yourself (ie: self reflection), a friend, and your manager.  The goal is to more purposefully apply our talents and passions in such a way that it makes a difference in the organizations/communities where we are and writes a story that can be told later.   That is our U.

Do you know someone who is working on defining and applying their U? Pass on this link and let them join other travelers in the journey.

Here is to living and working purposefully.

It a recent study released by the Northern California Human Resource Association, the following statistics were shared:

When I hear the words high priority this year, I automatically think initiative.  I can hear the front-line business leaders now – “HR wants us to do something new this year . . . “.

So a slew of new priorities and initiatives are happening to deal with the talent shortage and make retention a high priority.  We get in the talent wars because we join the same battle everyone else is fighting – post the job, recruit for the job, hope they can do the job, hope they stay, hope the skilled people mentor the new people effectively, and hope people tell us when they want to do more.  Here are some questions to help you think about how you are fighting this war:

• Do you have a list of key jobs and are you adding names to it every couple months that you would hire today if you had an opening?
• Is every candidate greeted by the nicest person in the company?
• Do you allow yourself to smile during the interview?
• Do you always respond to interviewees in a timely manner?
• Do you(manager) send a present/personal note to people when they accept an offer?
• Do you(manager) personally call people back when you want to have another interview with them?
• Do you(manager) personally call people back after interviewing them and deciding not to continue the process with them?
• Do you share with people as part of the interview how important this role is to the strategy of the team/organization and take five minutes to share with them why you love to work here?
• Do you tell them the truth without prefacing it with “Let me be completely honest with you” or “I am going to be 100% truthful on this one”.
• Do you(manager) map out a path to success for new people(onboarding) and spend extra time with them over the first 3-6 months?
• When they say No to your offer do you(manager) personally call them to learn more about their Yes to someone else and No to you – then wish them great success. Do you then invite them to connect on LinkedIn so you can stay in touch?

Talent wars are real in areas where skills are scarce, but they are also about every employer being equal in the eyes of the people looking for work.

What if you were so good at telling your story and matching passions/talents with your needs that people could not imagine going anywhere else when you offered them a job?  What if your people were recruiting for you because they were so passionate about your organization?

Don’t have time to worry about these little things?  Wars are expensive, but good luck fighting it.

Personally, I would try and position myself so everyone else is fighting over the people I passed on.

For the organization, it puts plans in place to be used in case of a sudden departure of a key person.  It also identifies talent gaps that can be discussed and dealt with before they become emergencies.

For your best people, it creates a vision of the future for them and identifies ways to challenge/develop them over the coming years.

Then there is you, the executive.  Maybe not such a great process.  You are putting plans in place for after you are gone.  You are sharing the talent you have worked hard to hire and develop with the rest of the organization by allowing them to be considered for key roles in other areas.  Do we avoid these conversations?  The numbers would say yes.  First number – only 35% of the CEO’s in the United States have succession plans.  Second number – personally only 45% of us have wills.

Talent management is about great conversations.  Here are eight questions to ask a leader before starting a succession planning effort:

1. I am excited about this process.
2. I think this is an important process to do each year.
3. I have talked to all my direct reports about what they want to do in the future.
4. I have done this before and I feel comfortable/skilled at the process.
5. I will make the time (10-20 hrs) to do this work over the next 2 months.
6. I am willing to accept input from other peers on my succession list . . . and I will use it.
7. I am willing to allow key players from my team to be on succession plans for other groups.
8. I feel good about setting up my groups/the organization to be successful after I move on.

Here is a link to this form with a number scale attached.

By naming our reasons for being reluctant, we can at least talk about them.  By letting those reason stay hidden there is very real potential to erode trust on the team and leave great talent(people!) unchallenged and unclear about what opportunities exist for them in the future.

I would opt for the great talent management/succession planning conversation started by these 8 questions.

Are there things about you that others see and you do not?

Several years ago a friend shared some feedback with me that we still laugh about. He told me that whenever he told a story, I usually followed up with a better one. I did not realize it – but watched myself for a few days and there it was – the proof.   It was funny, and I was unaware of it.   In JoHari Window language, it was a BLIND SPOT.

If you are not familiar with it, here is a link to a short YouTube video that explains it.

Talent management is about having great conversations.  When we talk, we develop relationships with the people around us, and at the core of those relationships is knowledge that we bring to every interaction.

Here are 3 tips to continually develop your team and teamwork.

TIP 1: As part of any team meeting spend 5 minutes asking/answering these questions:

• This week – What are two wins?  What is keeping me up at night?

These questions are almost guaranteed to  keep a steady flow of HIDDEN items that will be valuable for the team to know.

TIP 2: When you have an off-site and you are looking for ways to get people sharing/laughing – have everyone answer the following questions for themselves and their teammates.  Next, go around the room and have others share first, seeing if they matched answers with the individual.

• What is one thing I am really good at doing?
• How do you know I am having a good day?
• How do you know when I am stressed?
• How do you know I am listening / not listening?

After this, watch the JoHari Window video and ask the questions:  What came out in our last discussion that could be considered HIDDEN? A BLIND SPOT?  What is the impact of having that information in the OPEN area for you?  For this team?  What is one way we can be more purposeful about these conversations?

TIP 3: I often use a tool called the Team Member Fact Sheet to get people talking.  Using it as a tool to get to know new teammates or test the knowledge of existing teams.

Talent management is about great conversations.  Go have one!

I added succession planning to the Talent Scorecard because it is a critical area to address in a talent management strategy within an organization.  However, it is not as important as performance conversations / one on ones / development plans.  Here is a link to trU Tips #11 where I introduced the scorecard and the online version I created for people to evaluate their own situation.

Single biggest barrier to succession planning: Our discomfort with the question “What is the plan after I am gone?”.  Talking about our mortality is uncomfortable and avoided.   Want proof?  How about the number only 45% of Americans have a will – which is the succession plan for an individual.  As it turns out, corporate succession plans must be more uncomfortable because only 35% of organization have a succession plan for their CEO.

Succession planning is not about us (ie: Our ego, power, wealth) – it is about others.  So here are three reasons to do it:

1. It is part of being a leader: The ability to face a difficult situations and help a team work through it is a critical part of leadership.  Succession planning is about leadership.
2. It says “You are more important than me” – the ultimate trust building action: Does this need more explanation?  Look at Jim Collins level 5 leader description in Good to Great.  There are lots of benefits for people feeling and SEEING this – email me if you want a list.
3. It builds the same courage in others: What CEO would argue that it is not important to have plans for the most critical people and most critical roles in their organization?  The CEO going first removes one BIG excuse from the list other leaders will have not wanting to do it.

Much of talent management and the activities/processes that go with it fall under the description of simple, but not easy.

A parenting expert once gave me a line in response to a child telling me something is too hard.  The response.  Yes, it is hard.  But we can do hard. I think that same line fits with succession planning.  If we want people around us that do not shrink away from hard, then we need to be willing to go first.

What are some barriers you have experienced or compelling reasons you have used that you would add to this list?

I think our society is confused when it comes to feedback.  We lighten it with kids, with the intention of preserving their self esteem.  We worry about Millennials because the research says they need more.  In fact, at the height of the economic meltdown a study was done about what motivates people and managers said “positive feedback/thank you”, while their people said “making progress on my work”.  So what is the bottom line for feedback?

Jodi Glickman addresses the topic with new/soon to be new graduates in a way that anyone can benefit.

First, she shares a window – asking for it once a year is not enough and once a month is too often.

Secondly, she shares a very simple method for setting up the situation so the feedback can be given and has value for both the leader and the individual.  The two steps are:

1. Phase I:  Preparation
2. Phase II:  The Conversation

While both are good steps, I love Phase I.  Too often I see people jumping into a deep conversation with a peer or leader with no preparation for the person being asked to give it.  It usually ends with something generic like “It was great”.  Glickman’s quote about feedback that should be posted on cubicles everywhere is:

. . . the goal of the feedback is not to make you feel good.  The goal is to make you better at your job. (p. 129)

The author points out the best way to setup a good feedback session is to plant the seed before asking for feedback.  For example, if your focus is presentation skills, maybe planting the seed would sound like this:  “Julie, I am really trying to focus on my presentation skills, so could I ask a favor?  I’d welcome some feedback on my presentation after our client meeting next week.  If you could jot down some thoughts, I will setup some time for us to talk the following week.”

This builds off a core belief I have around Building Rhythm(from my trUPerformance™ model) in how we talk about our work, our priorities, and our needs.  Inherent in the one one one template I use with clients is the routine nature of our conversation and the predictable topics so feedback is continually mined (both positive and negative) without having to ask for it.

Talent management is about great conversations.  This book is loaded with tips on how, as a follower, to make those happen.

The final review of this book is coming next month, but so far I have really enjoyed the content and the way it is presented.

Many of you probably do not remember Senator Al Franken on Saturday Night Live, but he also did an affirming character called Stuart Smalley.  Here is the punch line to every Stuart Smalley bit – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DIETlxquzY.

There are two things that hit me about the first video.

First, it is good to laugh.  It lowers blood pressure, decreases stress, and increases creativity – just to name a few benefits.  For a team, it helps reset the tone so individually we can be at our best going into a discussion, a big project, or a verbal battle to ensure we make a great decision.

Secondly, I am still amazed at the impact of any exercise where teammates share the things they value about each other.  I remember one individual after a 3 to 1 activity (receiving three positives from a teammate / 1 area to work on) say “I am a little shamed to admit it because it makes me sound like a %#*!&, but it felt good having people remind me what I am good at.”  Become the mirror for someone else.

Sometimes to be at our best and to get the best out of our team (ie.  talent management) – we just need to hit reset.  Enjoy the laughter, and find a way to make it contagious for a few minutes at your next team meeting.

• 5 to 1: The optimal number of positive to negative interactions in a marriage
• 3 to 1: The optimal number of positive to negative interactions in a work relationship
• 3:  If we have this many close friends at work we are 96% more likely to be extremely satisfied with our life
• If I were a smoker and a loner – I will live longer if I keep smoking and find some friends

Then comes social media.  Recently I was wondering if some day I would read a headline that would turn my world/beliefs upside down.  Something like:

• Facebook changing the way we build close friends
• The Tweets/day  = Happiness number is known:  14
• Top 5 social media tools for creating healthy marriages and friendships
• Keep Smoking, but open a Facebook account

My gut tells me that ignoring social media at work and in my life, in general, is the wrong move.  I also believe the fundamental things I preach to leaders and followers about success in work, building healthy relationships, building strong teams, and building strong companies will not change.

Then I stumbled upon a great TED talk that took on the topic of social media from Sherry Turkle called Connected, but alone? . I think I will stick with what my gut tells me – even as I continue to use Foursquare.  fyi – I just became Mayor of my street and no one treats me differently.

EXTRA:  An idea for using this video with high potentials/leadership groups: Watch the video (18 minutes) and explore the following questions:

• How do I personally use social media tools?  What benefits do they provide me?
• How do some of the important people in my life use them?
• What comments from the video stand out for me?  Agree?  Disagree?
• How can I use this to become better – Leaders?  Teammates?  Friends?  (Make one commitment)