Approachability: A practice

I stumbled upon an article titled How to Get Anyone To Like You In Two Minutes or Less in my monthly edition of Bottom Line.  Admittedly some of these list articles can get kind of cheesy, but the first one hit me:  Use a slow-flooding smile.

I think back to a recent conversation about the onboarding of a new executive and after 9 months the feedback was “not approachable”.  We explored the reason why?, and the feedback was that when they are in the office they are on the run all day and do not stop by to say Hello.  Sound Familiar?

In my coaching practice, this is a very common area of focus.  As part of the coaching relationship, a client makes a commitment to a practice that will help them make a shift through a combination of self-observation and practicing some personal change.  So my quesiton:  How would a relationally challenged executive use a slow flooding smile practice?

First, recreate that feeling of a slow-flooding smile.  Allow your face to just relax. Now think of someone you really enjoy and imagine them approaching you in a hallway.  As you approach them, think of something funny they did or said, or one thing they always do that makes them unique.  Now allow your face to reflect what you are feeling inside – if it has not already.  What did you notice about yourself?  What happened inside?  What happened outside?  Without using a mirror, describe what parts of your body/face changed?

So here is what a practice might look like for someone addressing a need to connect with people more effectively:

  • Commit to leaving 2-3 minutes early for 1 meeting a day and take the long way and look for someone to run into.
  • When you see them , let your eyes focus on them and:
    • If you recognize them, think:  What about this person makes them special?  Think about a time when you saw them at their best?
    • If you don’t know them:  What does their face / pace / posture tell you about how their day is going?
  • When they make eye contact, say ehllow, and share with them what you were thinking.  As you talk, relax your face and allow the corners of your mouth to turn up a little.
    • It might sound  like:

Hi Mike.  Seeing you today jogged my memory about how great that visit was with customer x last week – and the way you rolled out the red carpet with lunch, the tour, and connecting them with some of the workers on the line made a huge difference.  What has you excited or energized this week?

  • It might also sound like this:  

 It looks like you are deep in thought about something important.   What has your brain working so hard?

  • As you part company, make a Thank you statement and offer an encouraging word.   Relax your face again and allow a smile.  It might sound like this:

Thanks for sharing what is going on.  I like to hear about our wins (or our challenges).

  • As you walk away, ask yourself:
    • What did I notice about the person?  Was I right?
    • What did I notice about them when I spoke to them?
    • What did I notice about them when I smiled?
    • How did the exchange/the smile make me feel?

Slow-flooding smiles come from the heart telling you to smile, not the brain.  People notice the difference, and we feel the difference.  Try this practice today.