What is within your control?
As I talked to the leader he explained a very complex situation that included a hierarchical leadership structure, a workforce that had to stay, and a customer that often spoke up in frustration. I listened for ten minutes and then asked a single question – What is within your control? The first response was all the things he did not control – so I repeated myself. What is within your control? The next response was the feelings that were created by the whole situation, so I repeated myself with a twist – What part of this situation do you control? His final response was a list of a couple of things that mattered and a great conversation ensued.
Great conversations start with a question. Many conversations with leaders start with challenges, frustrations, and sometimes just pleasantries. It is when we get to the place where we name our place in an issue and what we see as our goal/ownership that the conversation becomes great. What makes it great is that we demonstrate our trust in the person/relationship by sharing our absolute version of the truth – regardless of the risk. What also makes it great is that we can openly disagree as part of the conversation by allowing space for others to offer their truth.
I believe trust is a gift, and when someone around me is willing to share something that could be used to hurt them or could cause conflict with a teammate my first move is to be grateful they are willing to share. The next step is to identify what needs to be done with the idea. As leaders, recognize there are three reasons behind a powerful statement:
- Just needs to be said. (We just need to listen).
- It raises and issue/problem that needs to be solved.
- It raises the thought of a potential issue/problem that needs to be explored.
The challenge is that leaders are too often wired for #2 and #3 happens by accident because we choose to ignore it vs just parking it in a place that allows further inquiry or conversation. And #1 – that is in the Husband 101 class that we all need to keep retaking. 🙂
Listen differently today. What do you hear? What is your natural response to truth being expressed?