I can remember his face and his words like it was yesterday. He stood up in a leadership class during a section where we were exploring leadership and how to manage the talents of a team and said “I am a very different person at home. I have a work personality and a home personality.” If it were only that simple. . . .
In the book How Full Is Your Bucket(p. 55), a study is shared that explored the connection between how we talked to each other and marital success. They spent 15 minutes with each couple, logged in positive and negative interactions, and then used that to predict marital success. They were 94% accurate, and the magic ratio was 5 positive to 1 negative. When they looked at how that applied at work, the magic ratio was 3 to 1.
Relationships at work and at home need the same thing – interactions and a healthy balance between positive and negative comments.
A lot has been written about one event that has been tied to helping kids grow up healthy (less drug use, depression, etc.). The conclusion, families that eat together more often and use the time to talk/debate has a postive impact on kids. (link to story) Gallup had a similar message with their Q12 when they proved the significance of people answering the question “In the last 7 days I have received recognition or praise”.
So presence and the right conversations make a difference whether you are parenting or leading.
Becoming an impactful leader is a lot like becoming a great parent or a great friend. Be there, speak the truth (good and the bad), and keep doing it. At least that is what the research says.
It takes a lot of energy to keep up work me and home me.