I follow several thought leaders and information sources, and there are only a couple I read >90% of the time. Seth Godin is one.
His post today was very simple: Two ways to listen
You can listen to what people say, sure.
But you will be far more effective if you listen to what people do.
I have been working with a career transition program called Shifting Gears, that helps mid/late career professionals make successful career transitions. Many come because they have been out of work for >6 months. One of the most important part of the program is captured by changing Seth’s words around a little. I would say:
Others can listen to what you say, sure.
But the relationships you build will be defined by your actions.
Others are listening, and instead of worrying about how you are perceived, focus on how you live into the words you speak.
I remember one conversation in Shifting Gears that happened as our day began, and the individual was angry, frustrated, and seeing all the barriers (plus making a few up) between themselves and work. Two hours later, they had moved past the barriers, and were optimistic and doing the work of finding work. In listening to their actions, it became clear that they were developing the capacity to get knocked down, and to get back up. I saw them do this multiple times, and each time they came to apologize to me for being so stuck and negative – – I shared with them what I saw.
“Being stuck is part of any journey, and telling me about it is fine. My job is to just listen sometimes. What I respect and admire is that you made the choice not to stay there. Keep doing that and you will be fine, and the world will get a gift when you are back working.”
Seth is right, and we will be far more effective as spouses, parents, professionals, friends, and leaders if we use that lens on ourselves before we use it on others.