Category: Self awareness

By Scott

Leaders and One On Ones – Know your voice

I was timing at a swim meet this past weekend for kids between 8 and 13.  What do you think my primary role was?  Timing?  Actually – no.  My primary role was encouragement and support.  Making sure they were in the right order for the next race and telling them what they did well during that race.  It was easy, because my natural voice is to encourage.  I have known that for a while, and in order to be more effective at using that voice I have had to work on knowing when that voice is NOT the one that is needed at that moment.

Do you know your natural voice when faced with someone that is depending on you for some level of support so they can do their best?  This is one very important piece of leadership.

One important message I share in any leadership training I do is that part of the leadership job description is NOT mind reader.  There are several ways to help leaders get more skilled at this, but the easiest is to ask questions and listen well.

We can make our jobs as leaders easier in the One on One by doing two things:

  1. Asking some scripted questions so we can gauge how the other person is feeling.
  2. Use the question How can I support you? coupled with multiple choice answers of Coach me / Direct me / Not sure.

 

I continue to publish templates for people to use in establishing healthy and productive conversations with their people that result in thoughtful actions and lead to higher performance.  Here is the page of templates, and here is the newest version of the one on one form that incorporates the two tips I shared above.

By the end of my swim meet I had recorded times for every child who swam in my lane, experienced lots of smiles, and everyone started and finished the race they were supposed to be in.  My natural voice came in handy, but so did my directive voice (go!).

As a leader, learn your voice and help your people tell you when it needs to change.

By Scott

. . . and When We Want Feedback – Step 1

(Thanks to Seth Godin for planting the seed for this post – this is post 2 on this topic, see Post 1 if you want to start at the beginning)

I have talked to dozens of groups about feedback, and in almost every case someone comes to me and asks me to give them feedback based on my interactions with them.  I applaud their willingness to seek feedback, but it is the wrong place to start because there is no context.  Some feedback is too broad.  So if you want feedback, here are some tips for gathering valuable feedback.

Step 1:  Mentally be ready

Feedback is not about feeling good (that’s applause), it is about getting better.  There are ways to effectively give feedback that allows us to not only reflect on successes (things we need to KEEP doing), but also identify where we can get better (START doing and STOP doing items).  Regardless of the method, to receive the feedback you have to first prepare yourself to get it, because it is always hard to hear.

Jodi Glickman wrote a book called Great On The Job, and in it she outlines some very simple advice on feedback.  Here are the phases/steps she outlines for getting valuable feedback.

Phase 1:  The Preparation

  1. Plant the Seed
  2. Schedule the Conversation
  3. Provide Specific Guidance (of What You’re Looking For)

Phase 2:  The Conversation

  1. Ask for Concrete Ways to Improve
  2. Say Thank You
  3. Wait, Digest, and Revisit

The number one miss I see happening is skipping Phase 1.  The key to this step is letting people know you will be asking and helping them understand what would help you the most.  If you are working on your nerves – ask them to watch for signs you are nervous.  If you are working on use of humor, ask them to track laughter and how effectively you used humor.  The key is to plant the seed and to pick a time to talk about it that is convenient for them and will be the best time for you to hear it.  fyi – sometimes coming off the high of a 2 hour presentation is not a good time for you to really listen to feedback.

I do a lot of presentations to groups, and when it is possible I take one of my children so they get to experience me at work and I have someone that will give me feedback.  In a presentation last year to a group of entrepreneurs I took my oldest daughter.  I told her before I started that I wanted her to watch me and give me feedback on one thing I could do to improve.  At the end, I took her to dinner and asked her what feedback she had for me.  Her response was “You did a good job Dad, but at the end when you went around the room to ask people What one thing you are taking away from our time together?, you talked too much so it dragged.  At that point people want to leave and you need to keep things moving.”

She was right – I did start too many 20-30 second conversations.  It was great, and it happened because I first focused on The Preparation.  Next time I will be better.

Whether it is a One on One or a performance conversation, Always start with preparation.  Remember, leading and being led is about having Honest Conversations that lead to Thoughtful Actions, that result in Improved Performance.

By Scott

What Seth Said – and more . .

I listen to many experts/sources – Seth Godin, Wired Magazine, Inc. Magazine, Parker Palmer, Huffington Post, Thomas Friedman, Emily Bennington, my Mom, the Wall Street Journal.  There are more, but these stand out for me this morning.

The one I go back to daily is Seth Godin.  I like Seth because his voice is edgy and challenging, and he writes about things that are important.  Here is a piece of his recent post called The feedback you’ve been waiting for . . .

“You did a great job. This is exactly what I was hoping for. I wouldn’t change a thing. You completely nailed it, it’s fabulous.”

Of course, that’s not feedback, really. It’s applause.

Applause is great. We all need more of it.

But if you want to improve, you should actively seek feedback.

(here is the full post if you are interested)

It is so true, and I am guiltier than most.  I know that.  Traditional wisdom would tell us, as leaders, to commit to this and go start asking for it.  That will be nice, but it won’t work because unless we put ourselves in situations where it HAS to happen it won’t.  Most people are too nice, and most of us are too afraid to ask.

For leaders – Here is what you can to get feedback:  1) Create a safe space where it can be given   2) Ask  3) Be genuinely excited/grateful when you get it  4) Don’t give up.  (fyi:  #3 is harder than #2 – and you won’t be successful unless you do #4)

For individuals – See above – – and when you see a leader looking for help to get better, be courageous and constructive.  We are constructive when we focus on behaviors, not intent.  If you are not sure what that means – go study Fierce Conversations)

The safe space is the one on one.  When we create time for others to help us lead them/support them, and ask the right questions we will get feedback eventually. (see previous post).

Seth started this thought, and I am more than happy to finish it.  More importantly – Are you ready to finish it with your actions?

 

By Scott

3 Questions to Transform Your One on One

For at least the first half of 2014, my focus of posts will be around the one on one conversation and individual development.  Since I published the Talent Scorecard, I have become convinced that certain habits in leaders make the most difference – the one on one is a key habit, and I am going to focus providing resources for leaders and individuals to make these great conversations.

There are 3 keys to great one on ones:

1. The individual (not the leader) owns it (ie.  It is their time, not yours!)

2.  The leader never cancels without immediately rescheduling

3.  The leader focuses on: Alignment, Support, Feedback (giving and getting)

Let’s focus on Getting Feedback.  The three questions in the past I have shared that will help build a conversation around feedback for you as the leader are:  What should I KEEP doing?  What should I START doing?  What should I STOP doing?

The core focus of these questions are the basics of feedback 101 – Tell you what you are doing well and get feedback from your team on opportunities to be a better leader. Getting BETTER means– Being reminded what you are doing well, identify some opportunities to increase your effectiveness, and potentially identify actions/behaviors that are getting in your way of being an effective leader.

Sometimes these questions are not effective because they are so different.  Understand the spirit of the questions, and don’t be bound by the words if they do not sound like your voice.  Write your own.  Here are some alternatives, and the text in blue is the intent of the question:

  • What decisions/actions are people still wondering what the WHY was for that action?  (Are you an effective communicator?)
  • As we think about the next 3-6 months, what does the team need?  (What actions would make the most difference?  How effectively are you meeting their needs?)
  • We are doing some operational planning – What do you think should are top 3 priorities should be as a company?  As a team?  (Are you an effective communicator? How aligned is the team with your vision for what is important?  Do you have a vision?)
  • If we were going to pull the team together for a 30 minute update – What do you think they would want to hear about?  (Are you an effective communicator?)
  • What is one thing I did in the last 30 days that made your job harder?  (Do they trust you enough to tell you the truth?  What behaviors of yours are destructive?)

Remember, the goal is to make a safe environment by asking questions, listening thoughtfully (just asking clarifying questions), thanking them for being candid, and making sure to follow-up after you have thought through some things.  Pick one or two of these to ask – – and remember that you are listening for what you did that confused people and/or what do they need more clarity on?  Your questions to gain that clarity is:  Tell me a little more about that? and How could I/we have handled that differently?/What could we have done to get a different outcome?

Managing your talent/team is about having thoughtful conversations.  When we have thoughtful conversations, followed by meaningful actions, we get the higher performance that makes our organizations go forward.

What other habits or questions have you found that are most helpful in leading?

Creating Space for Honest Conversations: Some Tips
By Scott

Creating Space for Honest Conversations: Some Tips

As a leader, you are not a psychologist.  When we spend too much time trying to get into the heads of our people we are destined to drive ourselves and everyone else crazy.

That is the message I tell leaders in almost every class or coaching relationship I have had for the last 15 years.

Your goal:  Getting people to tell us where they are with things and what they need.  More simply put:  An honest conversation, leading to thoughtful actions, and resulting in higher performance. 

There are some questions that help create momentum towards an honest conversation.  Are you asking any of these?

    • What is energizing you now?
    • What is frustrating you now?
    • What do you need me to keep doing?  Start doing?  Stop doing?
    • What are the things you are hearing that I should know?
    • What should our team be celebrating in 6 months?  What do you want to be celebrating in 6 months?

After over a decade of watching intentional conversations happen in companies I am convinced of two things:

    1. It is impossible to get good answers to these questions without intentional one on one time with your team.
    2. In order for these questions to work, it takes a 3-6 month commitment to stick with one on one time and follow-up on any actions.

If you are looking for a great focus for next year, spend the first part of the year creating these conversations with your team.

Honest conversations   |   Thoughtful actions   |   Higher performance

 

fyi:  Here are some templates that might help

 

 

The “Am I crazy?” Talk
By Scott

The “Am I crazy?” Talk

One of my earliest posts was around how so many people appear, for lack of a better term, crazy at work.  The post was Nobody Behaves Well In The Corner.  In researching the topic I found data showing that in any given year 28-30% of adults experience a mental or addictive disorder.  That point I was making then, when we are stressed we often slip into that space of not being our rational selves.

Have you ever uttered these words?

  • What’s wrong with me?
  • Does what I just shared make any sense?
  • Am I just an idiot?
  • Can you help me make some sense out of this?
  • I just need someone to listen and tell me if I am nuts, or just bad at my job?

There are lots of reasons we get to this place, and it would take far to many words to explore that space.  Here are four tips for getting out of it.

  1. Why am I here?  The Birkman Method and the research behind it found that when needs are not being met, stress behavior results.  All of these questions above indicate a certain level of stress or panic.  Simply asking yourself this question – – and after you write down the reasons, cross out all the sentences with they/them/everyone/someones name.  Hopefully, what is left is I/me/my.  Always try to focus on what you control, which is your actions/feelings/reactions/narratives you have created around a situation.
  2. Find a safe outlet, repeat step 1.  Remember the movie The Shining, when Jack Nicholson utters the famous “Here’s Johnny” line?  When we spend too much time alone we don’t do well.  We break-up and challenge the narrative in our head by getting it out to another and getting a different perspective.  Find a friend you trust and that can empathize with you and get their opinion.
  3. What do I need to address first?  How will I do that?  In a space where we feel confused and overwhelmed, it is important to focus on the most critical things first.  These often get lost in our narrative.  Asking yourself this question sets up the next step.
  4. What is my next step?  There may be ten things we need to do, so see all of them and pick one.  Since getting out of this loop is a journey, it is important to stay connected to those individuals that are safe sounding boards for you as you work your way back to a place where you are feeling at your best.  Keep revisiting and nurturing those relationships that are part of step 2.

When you hear the questions shared above, whether they come from your own mouth or from another – – – >  Listen.  It is through our process of filtering the noise of our thoughts, fears, concerns, frustrations, experiences, intuitions that we identify what we need to address first.  Then we need to act.

Launching my own business taught me (and continues to teach me) the lesson of stepping back from ‘crazy’, sifting through what is real/imagined/important, and stepping back into it with a plan.  With the caveat – Repeat as needed.

Let me leave you the quote that is attached to my computer screen, and is a subtle reminder of this whole space.

Do not allow the fear of what if to ruin the joy of what is

By Scott

An Open Door is not enough – How about an Open Ears policy?

Early on in my own entrepreneurial journey a client asked if I read Inc. Magazine. When I said no and listed the other, more traditional publications, he just replied “If you are going to be an entrepreneur you need to read Inc.”. I listened, and it continues to give me things every month that help me develop.open ears

This month Jason Fried (co-founder of 37signals – Basecamp) makes the case that if your door is open as a leader, it does not mean they are lining up to come in. The article reminds me of a phenomenon I continue to see in workplaces – people are reluctant to bother their leaders.

Here are three excuses(direct quotes!) I have heard from people why they don’t go in:

  • “They are always so busy, I don’t want to bother them.”
  • “If I take them my problem, they will try and fix it.”
  • “I don’t want to look like I can’t do my job.”

When we went virtual with our teams and our time, we forgot to change our terms. Open office is outdated and irrelevant as a concept, because the virtual world has made it insignificant. Here are two habits and two questions to help you translate an open door policy to an open ears policy.

  1. Habit: 20 minute One on Ones 1-2x per month (see my guidelines and template if you want to learn more about this one).
  2. Habit: Eat lunch with your team 2x per month.
  3. Q: What is the dumbest things you are working on? (thanks Michael Fertik, CEO of Reputation.com for this, INC. Nov 2013)
  4. Q: (for one on one) What things should I Keep doing? Start doing? Stop doing?

Do you have any to add?

Talent management is about great conversations, and it does not start with an open door anymore, it starts with our presence and open ears.  The challenge for followers is to have the courage to step into that open ears space and take advantage of the opportunity.  The challenge for leaders is to slow down and actually listen – really listen – and do something with what you hear.  Here is your big risk:  You can fake an open door policy – you can’t fake an open ears policy.

Here are some templates to help you listen better and make open ears work.

Note: Rework by Jason Fried is in my Library/Resource Center.  I also added a few more great reads this month:  The One Minute Manager Meets the Monkey and Self Leadership and the One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard,  Leadership and Self Deception.

By Scott

Excuses or Reasons? Two practices to help you listen

My words started the conversation “Did somebody feed the dog yet?”

The response started with the words “Well, she did not do what I asked her and . . . . . “.

It was the language of an excuse.

The thing that stuck in my mind was I will accept reasons, but please don’t give me excuses.  As I watch leaders and teams work through things, I have seen how excuses create lines for battle.  He said . . . .   She said . . . . They said . . . .   It gets messy really fast.  When emotions are raised by assigning blame first, it is hard for most people to step back and talk through it.  Excuses generally point outward at the environment or actions of others, and lead to blame and away from solutions.

When we focus on getting some reasons out on the table, it requires us to ask a few more questions to establish what assumptions or knowledge are being brought into the conversation.  Establishing this allows ownership to emerge.  The focus can then be on a decision they made that got in the way of something getting done or getting fixed, and what the action plan looks like.

Two great practices this week are to listen:

  1. When something happens or your outcomes are questioned, do you give an excuse or ask a few questions and focus on reasons something happened or did not happen?  How does it effect the conversation?
  2. As you interact with your team, what do you hear more of – excuses or reasons?  What is the impact of sharing excuses vs reasons?

 

I am holding out hope that some day my simple question gets answered with something like:

I am watching my favorite episode ever of Dog with a Blog and thought I would finish it before I fed our hungry dog.  That was probably not a good decision, because the next episode was my second favorite ever, so let me shut off the TV and take care of it.

 

I could be waiting a while, but I know the expectations I need to share and the questions I need to ask in the future.

By Scott

#nicematters

Today I am giving a speech at the celebration honoring 11 high school seniors who are receiving the Daughters of the American Revolution Good Citizenship Award. It is one I received thirty years ago, and a long time family friend asked me if I would be willing to come back and help them honor these young leaders. It was an easy YES.

I need your help. If you have a Twitter account, please post a comment today saying thank you to someone in your life that is deserving of a heartfelt thank you, and then use the hashtag #nicematters.

Here is the why behind that request. I am sharing three tips with them:

  • Learn to say NO
  • Face to Face: Show your best YOU
  • Store Gratitude (keep a #nicematters file with notes you receive from others)

At the end of my talk, they will get a thank you card with #nicematters on it, and I will ask them to practice gratitude with someone by sending them a note in the next 24 hours. I will also ask them to tweet a thank you to someone, and attached the hashtag #nicematters to it. When they look, I would love them to see a bunch of other messages from different people with the same hashtag.  I need your help to make a point with these 11 future leaders.

For me this is one of my Google-Time activities.  When I started my business four years ago, I made a pledge that I would spend 10% of my time saying YES to certain things because they were fun.  Today is one of those days.  The request cane from a friend who has known me since I was born, and my kids, my Mother, my Father, and my Aunt Ginny will be coming.

Thank you for helping the message of gratitude get passed today!

Owning it
By Scott

Owning it

When you develop an ear for ownership, it reveals a lot.

  • Yeah, but . . . .
  • They must be thinking . . .
  • If you didn’t . . . .
  • I couldn’t because . . .
  • They are . . .
  • How could they . . .

It is not that others don’t get in our way, it is that we quickly dismiss movement for ourselves because of something they did.

When I started my business, a dear friend told me to read Do The Work by Steven Pressfield and The Dip by Seth Godin. Both have become constant reminders and equippers for me when I need to manage through these moments. When you are engaged in meaningful work with great people, it is surprising how often it happens.

The biggest barrier for big companies to act like small companies is ownership. Blaming accounting or the person who is going through a divorce and off their game or blaming others because they don’t get your ‘situation’ is the easy way out.  Jumping in to do something is actually harder, because it involves more work for you and maybe a good argument about priorities and ownership. In the end, the work has to get done. We need more people willing to go into these moments with a good heart, and a relentless resolve to do the work that matters.

The biggest reason people get stuck OUT of work is ownership.  Not that companies don’t do bad things to people in how they handle separations – they do.  We just don’t process it and move through those endings well.  When we don’t we suffer, and we blame them.  Sure it is not fair, and it is also not necessary.

Listen to your words today. Which side of the conversation are you on?