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Do You Know How to Start and End a Conversation?
I am in the process of reading/reviewing Jodi Glickman’s book Great On The Job – What To Say, How To Say It – The Secrets of Getting Ahead. As I go through it I will share some thoughts that make me go Hmmmm . . . This posting is based on one of those moments.
I watch the eyes, because they always tell the truth. 
Have you ever experienced the glazed, lifeless stare that happens within 10 seconds of starting a conversation with someone? It is most often the result of them being in the middle of something and me being too urgent to simply ask “Is this a good time?”
Jodi Glickman shares her secrets to opening and closing a conversation under a section she refers to as The Basics. How to avoid the lifeless stare is addressed up front. It made me chuckle when she talked about the feedback she received initially from two trusted friends that this section was too basic. I loved it! When I talk to people about talent management I stress the partnership between a leader and a follower, and the transparency that has to exist for the relationship to work. Being specific about What I need is critical, and recognizing that this is not the right time to talk is equally as critical. In the era of open office doors/no doors at all and cell phones that make everyone accessible 24/7, it is important to be able to say not the right time.
One of the unique pieces of her approach was the ending. In it she shares two steps:
- Thank you
- Forward momentum
I love the concept of forward momentum. Think of it – we have talked and here is where I am going next. Imagine if every interaction led to some sort of forward momentum? In talent management: forward momentum = ownership = engagement = great followership
An exercise: What percent of your conversations today lead to forward momentum?
Leadership Rounding – A great example of how leading leaders is different
Going from a Director to a Vice President is a big jump – because all of the sudden how you lead becomes different. It is often hard to explain this to people, but at some point they feel it through critcism for Never being around, and in their frustration they say something like I was just there last week or maybe even You never invite me!
I have blogged often about followership – which is knowing the priorities/challenges of your own leader and being purposeful about meeting those as you communicate and work towards meeting your own needs/priorities. Here is a video from Quint Studer (The Studer Group) that talks about leadership rounding in healthcare. Most of you are not in healthcare, but it is a great example of a message that needs to be heard by the executive and the leaders that report to them. It does an amazing job of laying out the fears/frustrations of an executive and how some simple moves by front line leaders can help maximize the impact of a visit from a senior leader and help your own people connect with them in a way that will have lasting impact on your own team.
Check it out - and schedule a viewing with some leaders. It is a great investment of 28 minutes. Talent management is about having great conversations – this will start a great conversation.
Tracking My Happiness – Final Report
Several posts ago I gave an initial update on my commitment to join a happiness survey that was discussed in a recent Harvard Business Review article. Here it the link to that post.
I have completed it after 50 entries and 17 days. Here is what the data says:
- Top activities for happiness: restaurants, exercising, being with customers, vacation, parties.
- Bottom activities for happiness: balancing checkbook, meetings, taking care of children, working alone, watching television.
- I am 2x as happy on Saturdays vs Sunday.
- Thursday is my top day of the week – 25% higher than Friday. (today is Thursday – so I am happy about that)
- I am 4x happier doing activities I don’t have to do but want to do vs doing things I don’t want to do but have to do.
- There is a direct correlation for me between high focus and high happiness.
- There is a direct correlation for me between happiness and productivity.
Many things make me smile when I review these results – mainly because they tell a story. For example, as a parent much of my attention (and this is MY choice) in the last 3 weeks hast focused on homework, transportation, and getting children to bed and up in the morning. My takeaway – I need to work on my attitude – and create some fun moments for us (good timing – spring break is next week). I can only imagine what their happiness report would say about me. 
I am okay with not liking the checkbook, meetings, and working alone. I also think I need a bigger television.
I mentioned in my first post that this would be a great activity for any company to do with high potentials or leaders. For smaller companies it is nice because it is free (it works with straight email, but requires an iPhone for easy data collection when walking around). I still think it is best done by groups of 3 people, and then having a general report out to the whole group.
Talent management is based on self awareness that feeds into a great conversation. This activity has the potential to provide for both.
I will post next week on how our talent management processes (one on ones, performance conversations, etc.) actually create some of these reflective/conversation moments if done well.
If you tried this, what was your experience? What questions would you ask me after seeing some of my results? Here is your chance to coach me.
Time – What does your graph look like?
When I saw the graph above(from a Seth Godin blog – here is the link) I immediately thought about my business. How do I spend my time? Which pieces should I spend more time on?
Several years ago I created a leadership development program to help prepare leaders to launch sales offices in other states. As part of the program, each leader was to receive a 360 evaluation nine months after the launch. I did this mainly because I had a feeling that bad habits were going to develop during launch because there was so much to do and resources were scarce. When the first 360 came back – what was the message? Time. Spending too much on little things and not enough focused on big things (growing sales, etc.). Even great leaders get sucked into the little things.
Are you always out of time? Try this – spend 2-3 days tracking your time, then spend 15 minutes reviewing your results by answering three questions:
- What are the priorities for our business / my team?
- How much time am I spending on those priorities?
- What one change could I make to become more focused on those priorities?
Our time is something WE all control.
What are some things you have done in the past to take control of your time?
Friday Fun – The cumulative effect of Happy moments . . .
In his interview about happiness in HBR, Daniel Gilbert makes the following statement: “…the frequency of your positive experiences is a much better predictor of your happiness than is the intensity of your positive experiences.” It is not the big initiatives, but the cumulative effect of the little things we do at work and at home to generate smiles that makes the biggest difference. While we are thankful for some research – Did we really need some PhD to tell us that?
So what can we do with this?
Every culture treats humor differently. For example, I am not sure a That Was Easy button or a zany sound effects box would work in a bank. What about comments about what people are wearing, or smiles received or handing a sucker to a customer with a smile? Anything where we purposely create one of those moments that Gilbert talks about will make a difference.
Maybe a good Friday goal would be to generate 6 smiles in other people.
Here is my first try: A great video about how making people smile caused a shift in their behavior. It made me smile, and is just good clean fun. Take a look.
Companies are Like People, Our Culture Defines the Relationship – Tips for doing it well
Companies are like people. There is actually a study of how organizations act and change, which is where the terms organizational development and industrial/organizational psychology come from.
As individuals we build relationships/trust by working/living along side people and showing them consistent behavior so they know what to expect – what we value. So how does that apply to organizations?
Culture is built through a relentless demonstration of what organizations value. While perfection is the goal, it is not realistic. At some point we will have to say we are sorry. This lens can be used to examine when organizations first meet new people – during onboarding.
Here is a miss / don’t miss list based on years of experiencing it and building it as a leader:
Don’t Miss
- Clean desk / supplies
- Someone to greet you and say “we were expecting you”
- Frequent communication with your leader for 3 months
- Teammates taking you to lunch or inviting you into the circle/social events
- Paycheck / benefits
- All the tools that connect us to others – email, phone, computer, mailbox, list of who to call
- Plan to direct learning for first three months
Miss Sometimes
- Nameplate on desk
- Meeting boss’ boss (because of business) day 1 or week 1
- Formal orientation in week one (not enough people)
- 100% achievement of everything on the onboarding plan
- Email Day 1 welcoming new teammate
- Quick check-in at the end of every day to see how things are going
I am not a hypocracy chaser, and it is important that a line be drawn in the sand saying that “If we do not do these things how can we expect anyone to buy into our values as an organization?” As Collins said in Good To Great:
The point is not what core values you have, but that you have core values at all, that you know what they are, that you build them explicitly into the organization, and that you preserve them over time. (p. 195)
Living it is more powerful than speaking it, and speaking it is the first step in living it. It why I put Build Trust at the base of the trUPerformance model. Working relentlessly at living what we say makes it easier for people to forgive us when we (as organizations) slip up.
After all, organizations are like people.
What is on your Don’t Miss list?
Three Ways to Make Recognition a Habit, 1 Thing to Avoid
On one of the first days at my new job I was handed a box. It was large enough to fit 50-100 8.5 x 11 inch folders, and it was a nice shade of green with a pattern that told me someone had put some thought into the design of this box. Then I was told what it was – my Recognition Toolbox. I opened it, and was surprised at how little was inside. The contents consisted of a few thank you notes, some process sheets for getting gift cards and other rewards, and some post-it notes with a positive slogan printed on them.
Before creating a box – here are three habits that will get you the better outcomes and save some printing costs:
- Dedicate 5 minutes at meetings: Start every meeting with everyone sharing a star performer from the week, with the action plan being “how did you recognize them”.
- Regular ‘listening’ time for leaders / Also known as one on ones: Sometimes great reminders come from extreme cases. There is a study shared in the book SWAY (p. 120) about what factors influenced how convicted felons felt about the judicial process. In the end, it came down to one variable (and it was NOT whether they were found guilty): How much time had their lawyer spent with them. People feel better about their jobs, their companies, etc. when leaders spend time with them.
- Dedicated visibility time: Plug 30 minutes into your schedule Monday am and Friday pm (or even after weekly/monthly meetings) to just walk around armed with simple questions like: What’s occupying your mind this week? What was a high point for this week/weekend? What do you wish had happened differently?
None of these fit into a box, but they are habits that, when done over time, will make a measurable difference in how people feel and will keep you (the leader) better connected to the business.
Introversion (TED video) and trUYou
At the most recent TED conference in California there was a great presentation about introversion by Susan Cain, who recently published a book on the topic. It has been watched 1 million+ times already and is a good message. The title is The Power of Introverts.
I preach talent management as being a conversation, and I like this video because understanding our tendency to think more vs talk is important. Having a conversation means two people showing up and talking/listening in equal parts. Susan also makes the distinction that introverts can do public speaking (after all, she is presenting), but it is an activity that taps her energy stores, not fills them. Her power is in thinking problems through by listening to others share their expertise, researching, and drawing on her own experience. A great gift for a team, but often hard to tap into.
Here is my add-on to the video:
- For Introverts - Speak up. The world, your company, the planning for your neighborhood party will go on without you because you are surrounded by people that have a more natural style to talk and influence. It is not easy, but with the world moving faster, you are at risk of being marginalized more now than 10 years ago because your leaders/peers have more noise in their lives. Whispers do not cut it anymore – and a tweet, text, or email is too often just a whisper.
- For leaders of introverts - How hard have you tried to listen? To set them(introverts) up to be successful? At any point in team discussions do you stop the free for all and just go around the room and give everyone 45 seconds of input? Do you meet one on one with everyone regularly so listening is a habit? Does your challenge (speak up) come with encouragement and purposeful moves to help them step out?
This is not the only thing a person needs to know about themselves, but it is a good start because how we communicate (or not) is one big measure the world will use to measure us. Here is a link to a tool I use called my trUYou model. It is a guide for what we need to know about us. Introversion/extroversion is one piece to us, but it is pretty important.
Want to know how introverted or extroverted you are? Try this free Jung Typology Test (basically the same as the Myers-Briggs).
Tracking Our Happiness – My experience + an exercise for leaders
So I am at Day 4 of measuring my happiness as I participate in the Happiness Research project of Matthew Killingsworth (my last post referenced his article in the Jan/Feb 2012 Harvard Business Review – which I will call HBR from this point on). One of my blog readers followed suit and shared that the 3x a day reminders were making him angry – which made me smile, so the study is working for me. I am guessing we will balance each other out in the research.
Here is what I have noticed:
- The goal is not about being happy all the time, that is impossible.
- When I stop to think about it, it makes a difference on how I feel.
- I get annoyed by the emails – then I remember I asked to be part of it, so I laugh at myself and do it.
This might be a fun experience with a group of managers.
First: Present the opportunity to a group of people and ask for 3 volunteers to participate and own reporting back (sorry, they must have iphones).
Second: It is about a 15 day study, so (as the organizer) email them every 3 days and ask them to send you a quick email (1-2 minutes) answering the question “What a-ha moments have you had in the last three days being part of this study and watching your happiness?”
Third: Set aside an hour with the whole group to process the topic. As preparation, ask the group to read the article The Science Behind the Smile from HBR Jan/Feb 2012. For the three volunteers – ask specific questions about what were some of the things that impacted them from the outside (what they were doing? other people? events?) and how what they were doing had an impact? The agenda might look like this:
1. Share what you learned (3 peopole) – 15 minutes
2. Brainstorm / Discussion: What we do as individuals to achieve more happiness today? Draw a line and ask what we learned that we could/should do more of to increase happiness? What jumps out at me when I look at this list? (go around the room)? – 15 minutes
3. Brainstorm / Discussion: What do we do as leaders do to increase the happiness in our workplace today? What are some things we could do? What jumps out at me when I look at this list (go around the room) – 15 minutes
4. Wrap-up: What is one thing I am going to do differently for myself or my team? Be specific, and partner people up as partners for success – 15 minutes
FYI - Remember talent management is about conversations, not training. Leaders getting together to share observations/experiences, make little changes on how they manage themselves/others, and partnering to support each other is like training – but better, and less expensive.
Tracking My Happiness
A great article in the Harvard Business Review (Jan/Feb 2012) about happiness inspired me to join a study on happiness. Another use for my iphone. Here is the link – https://www.trackyourhappiness.org/ . I will be blogging more about it, and the article is really good.