Tag: Relationships

Creating Space for Honest Conversations: Some Tips
By Scott

Creating Space for Honest Conversations: Some Tips

As a leader, you are not a psychologist.  When we spend too much time trying to get into the heads of our people we are destined to drive ourselves and everyone else crazy.

That is the message I tell leaders in almost every class or coaching relationship I have had for the last 15 years.

Your goal:  Getting people to tell us where they are with things and what they need.  More simply put:  An honest conversation, leading to thoughtful actions, and resulting in higher performance. 

There are some questions that help create momentum towards an honest conversation.  Are you asking any of these?

    • What is energizing you now?
    • What is frustrating you now?
    • What do you need me to keep doing?  Start doing?  Stop doing?
    • What are the things you are hearing that I should know?
    • What should our team be celebrating in 6 months?  What do you want to be celebrating in 6 months?

After over a decade of watching intentional conversations happen in companies I am convinced of two things:

    1. It is impossible to get good answers to these questions without intentional one on one time with your team.
    2. In order for these questions to work, it takes a 3-6 month commitment to stick with one on one time and follow-up on any actions.

If you are looking for a great focus for next year, spend the first part of the year creating these conversations with your team.

Honest conversations   |   Thoughtful actions   |   Higher performance

 

fyi:  Here are some templates that might help

 

 

By Scott

An Open Door is not enough – How about an Open Ears policy?

Early on in my own entrepreneurial journey a client asked if I read Inc. Magazine. When I said no and listed the other, more traditional publications, he just replied “If you are going to be an entrepreneur you need to read Inc.”. I listened, and it continues to give me things every month that help me develop.open ears

This month Jason Fried (co-founder of 37signals – Basecamp) makes the case that if your door is open as a leader, it does not mean they are lining up to come in. The article reminds me of a phenomenon I continue to see in workplaces – people are reluctant to bother their leaders.

Here are three excuses(direct quotes!) I have heard from people why they don’t go in:

  • “They are always so busy, I don’t want to bother them.”
  • “If I take them my problem, they will try and fix it.”
  • “I don’t want to look like I can’t do my job.”

When we went virtual with our teams and our time, we forgot to change our terms. Open office is outdated and irrelevant as a concept, because the virtual world has made it insignificant. Here are two habits and two questions to help you translate an open door policy to an open ears policy.

  1. Habit: 20 minute One on Ones 1-2x per month (see my guidelines and template if you want to learn more about this one).
  2. Habit: Eat lunch with your team 2x per month.
  3. Q: What is the dumbest things you are working on? (thanks Michael Fertik, CEO of Reputation.com for this, INC. Nov 2013)
  4. Q: (for one on one) What things should I Keep doing? Start doing? Stop doing?

Do you have any to add?

Talent management is about great conversations, and it does not start with an open door anymore, it starts with our presence and open ears.  The challenge for followers is to have the courage to step into that open ears space and take advantage of the opportunity.  The challenge for leaders is to slow down and actually listen – really listen – and do something with what you hear.  Here is your big risk:  You can fake an open door policy – you can’t fake an open ears policy.

Here are some templates to help you listen better and make open ears work.

Note: Rework by Jason Fried is in my Library/Resource Center.  I also added a few more great reads this month:  The One Minute Manager Meets the Monkey and Self Leadership and the One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard,  Leadership and Self Deception.

By Scott

Beware of MORE Leadership

I was once asked during start-up of my own business what my sales plan was.  I thought for a second about my business plan, the problems that I wanted to solve, the clients I wanted to help – – and then, after a deep breath, I said “MORE”.  MORE is a great start-up word and a great growth word.  I have seen it uttered by 10 month old companies and 25 year old companies.  The last great recession we faced, MORE became a very important word as companies scrambled for cash.

The truth is – At some point, MORE is not enough.

1.  It is not enough when you are faced with a choice: doing work X that gets you excited, in a new industry, but not as profitable vs work Y that is what you do well, feels a little bit boring to your entrepreneurial energies, nurtures/expands your current customer base, and creates a healthy cash flow.  MORE provides no focus, only motion.

2.  It is not enough when your team looks to you, as the leader, for some direction around ‘How did we do?”  When you point to MORE, say thank you, and then head off in your new luxury car that MORE helped you afford – – they begin to see what MORE did for you, and then their part of MORE seems not enough.  Dilbert owes some if its success to MORE leadership.

3.  It is not enough when you are looking at your own succession/future, and the two people that could move into your role and your measure of their ability to understand MORE and follow your lead is the only measure you have.  MORE leaders hire MORE leaders.

4.  It is not enough when you want to sit back for a few months, catch your breath, and enjoy some of the fruits of your MORE labor.  Your team is left wondering when MORE became ENOUGH, and in a few weeks begins to believe ENOUGH is the goal now.  When you re-engage, probably starting with the lecture around accountability and ownership – they get confused, angry, and sometimes bitter.  MORE becomes an irritating word.  MORE erodes TRUST.

4.  No celebrations can be planned around MORE because it is always moving.

5.  When MORE is used as a goal for a career change, it moves you towards increases in the numerical parts of a job, but not necessarily the passion/energy/fit parts.  Inevitably the MORE reasons will move to NOT ENOUGH.

6.  No development plans or talent management activities can be directed by MORE goals.  Are MORE Nicer or MORE Communication real targets?

MORE has its place in circumstances where it is important to push forward through things and speed to opportunities is critical.  It is okay to be in a MORE state, but staying there for long periods of time is not healthy.

More can help you get to BETTER, but it will never get you to BEST.

 

By Scott

Leaders – How are your people feeling? 3 Tips for starting this conversation

In a career transition program I facilitate in Michigan, our second day starts and ends with the question How do you feel?.  It is a critical and strategic because it challenges people to put one word around where they are at that moment, and as facilitators we can use that word to know where we need to spend more time to circle back for some one on one conversations.  It is not about fixing someone’s answer, but more about giving a voice to knowing when there is a potential barrier to learning/doing the work.  This is one of those keeping the pulse strategies, that allows a group to move forward to important work, lets individuals share where they are at that moment, and in a very direct way ask for help or pause for a celebration.

So what can we do as leaders to create those moments?

First, Do you believe it is important to give your people space to air some of this stuff? If yes, read on.  If no, I encourage you to read one of two books: First Break All the Rules by Marcus Buckingham/Curt Coffman or Drive by Daniel Pink.  I share these not to make you a psychologist.  My advice to leaders is their best focus is NOT to try and get inside the heads of their people, but try and get what is inside the heads of their people on the table so it can be talked about. I probably opened a can of worms with that comment – consider the comment section of this blog as a space to explore that if you desire.  I am happy to defend/discuss it there.  Back to the question – How can a leader get feedback on what is on the minds of their team?

Here are 3 habits that will help you understand where your people are in terms of what is on their minds and/or how they are feeling:

1.  Meeting space (weekly/monthly) – The question: Create an agenda item at the beginning:  Around the room:  3 Wins this week/month and 1 frustration.  The execution: Just listen.  Be ready to plug a big frustration aired by the team into a brainstorming/problem solving space later in the meeting or ask the person to connect later in the day with you to spend some time.  If you are uncomfortable with asking/handling this question/space – get some training/mentoring soon.  Not being able to ask this question and process the answers effectively will be an issue.

2. Create regular space/time to connect directly with employees – The question: What is one question you have or you are hearing that needs an answer?  (note the strategy – people can ask their question (higher risk) or just share one from someone else.  The execution: Make this a monthly habit with coffee and donuts.  This space should be all non-direct reports and select based on anniversary dates for that month / birthdays / just became a leader in the last year / new employee that month/quarter.  The key is make it inclusive and give you a chance to listen.  Small company?  Pizza once a month and find a round table – and whoever is there gets the question.

3.  At monthly/weekly one on ones – The question: Give me one word – how are you feeling?  (Yes it is a little squishy for some, but trust me it is an effective question).  The execution: If you are not comfortable handling the conversation – you need some development help as a leader.  The ROI:  The $ spent getting better at this will save your organization $$$$ in the future and will probably have a positive impact on your relationships outside of work too. (marriage, kids, partner, name it . . . . )

 

Mini trU Tip: Why I think some coaching training for leaders is critical? When you invite people share things stuff will come out that requires you as a leader to: 1) Ask more questions to help the individual reveal what is at the core of this issue  2)  Help the individual identify one thing they can do to address it or explore it more so it can be solved at some point in the future.  If you want to spend some time learning about the voice of a coach I direct you to a blog I love by Mary Jo Asmus or a book I like called Co-Active Coaching.  My only caveat is that spending time in both of these resources will help you experience the voice of a coach, and especially the Co-Active Coaching book will help you understand the process of coaching.  In the end, if you want to become proficient at it plan on starting with a year-long commitment to learn about it and practice it.

By Scott

New word for your leadership toolbox – Capacity

In a recent conversation I was sharing a story with a mentor and friend about how I handled a difficult moment in a facilitation.  As I reflected back on how I reacted to the individual causing the problem in the session, the outcomes, and how some of my facilitation work in the past year prepared me she shared with me a reflection of her own:  Scott, you have increased your capacity to manage a space filled with many different perspectives and voices.

That word caught me off guard.  I started my career in a capacity planning role worried about the output of a steel mill and then 80+ injection molding machines.  It was a very familiar word for me, and yet it was one that I had only use with very physical and definable assets . . . And I like it!

If you are focused on your own ongoing growth of skills and knowledge, or have a team of people that you are helping prepare for future roles or challenges, this is a word that you should add to your toolbox.  Here are two examples of conversations where it could be valuable:

  1. Preparing a team for change: What is the capacity of this team to handle this change?  What will it require of us?  What proven skills and talents do we have?  What is one area we need to increase our capacity?
  2. Your own development: What part of your job are you “at capacity” and feel like you cannot possibly have any more to give?  What part of your job are you avoiding because it is unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and/or undesirable – but important?  If you added 10% capacity in that area what would that look like?  How can that be accomplished?

Coaching is about increasing capacity in clients.  I get great satisfaction when I hear people say they see themselves differently and, as a result, are able to navigate situations effectively that would have tripped them up in the past.  One of my all-time favorite books on development is Mastery by George Leonard.  Inherent in a journey to mastery is a commitment to always be open and able to increasing your own capacity.

Capacity is a tried and true manufacturing word, and a great word for the world of managing talent in an economy putting so much emphasis on the knowledge and capacity of people.

How does the term capacity show up in your conversations today?

What other words are cornerstones to your talent conversations?

mini-trU Tip: The only way to know your true capacity is to exceed it because you push the boundaries.  That was true when I first started my career worrying about the capacity of equipment, and it is equally true as I enter the second decade of a career focused on the capacity of people.  A good topic for another blog posting . . . .

 

By Scott

Empathy – How I experienced it with a dog and 3 ways to build it with humans

I just finished a book called The Art of Racing in the Rain, which is a story told through the eyes of a dog.  Coincidentally, we just added a puppy to our family.  The book was amazing, and I will never look at Harper, or any other dog, the same way again.  In her presence I am constantly wondering what she is thinking, and trying to get her to tell me.  Read the book before you call me insane.  I now have empathy for dogs.

Harper Lee Patchin

There are lots of very clinical terms and tools for helping leaders understand what the people in their organizations are thinking.  360 feedback tools, employee surveys, personality assessments, behavioral assessments, classes, consultants, CEO breakfasts . . . . the list goes on.  I once had a new leader tell me the #1 surprise for them in becoming a leader was the loneliness because nobody told them things any more AND nobody asked them how they were doing.  It is too bad no one else understood that except me, he might have stayed longer.

Empathy – probably the number one challenge in any organization that prides itself on leaders that have relational capacity with the people that work for them.

Here is a secret – it is not a test, or a consultant, or a mini-PhD so you can guess more accurately why people do things.  It is a conversation.  One that happens with the sole intent that we need to know what each other are thinking.

There is a big topic, but let me give you three ways to help your journey of empathy:

  1. Make a habit out of asking people about themselves. What do I mean by that?  Here is a template I use with almost every group I work with.  Nothing fancy, but if I had a dollar for every time a team member was surprised by the number of children someone had or where they were born.  Well, I would be richer. 🙂
  2. You first. How do you share with your team what is keeping you up at night?  How do you tell them when you are dealing with a terminally ill parent?  I had a leader once share that ‘a pity party is the last thing I want.  I just need to man-up and get through it.”  Hmmm – at what cost?  10% of your team is paranoid that another cut is coming?  A new report thinks your disconnectedness is normal and leaves for another job?  Nobody steps up to pick up the balls you dropped (weekly staff meetings maybe?) because they are still in the coffee room stage of wondering What is up with Bill?  One leader once shared that monthly they took 2-3 minutes at the staff meeting to outline the top 2-3 problems they were trying to solve.  In the end, the team started picking a few up and solving them for the leader.
  3. Pick a relationship that really matters – and go have some conversations. For a leader that has a spouse or significant other, I recommend spending the next 2 months reading a book that focuses on understanding each other.  The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman or For Men Only / For Women Only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn.  Have a teenager?  What about go to a speaker on teenagers or commit to monthly breakfasts with them for the next 6 months.  I start with significant relationships because they matter the most and there is usually a strong reason to spend time on it.  Your sole job is to listen to understand – not tell to convince.

For me, it started with a dog book my wife told me I needed to read.  It is my daily reminder that I need to try a little harder, because there are always lots of reasons not to worry about it.

 

By Scott

3 Tips For Making Any Personal Journey A Success

I took a lunch break yesterday to go listen to my friend Dean Whittaker talk about the future.  I left with one page of notes in Everrnote (fyi:  I was paperless), three websites that could help me get smarter after I left, and two re-connections with people that I did not know would be there.  All in all it was 90 minutes well spent.

No matter where you want to go (career, performance management, personal change, business growth), here are three universal tips for a successful journey:

  1. Give first / the get will show up: Dean did not tell me he would make me smarter if I came, that was my secondary goal – with the primary one being to show support for him.
  2. Make a goal: I have a goal of one scheduled networking event a week.  Goal met this week (I actually have a checklist for my own healthy habits – email me if you want a copy).
  3. Depth vs Breadth: I sat with a long time friend that I have not seen in a while.  It is okay to settle in and catch up.  He actually introduced me to 2 people I should know.  Tip 3.5:  Be open to other conversations.

Any to add?

 

Knowing our roles: One Thing A Leader Does
By Scott

Knowing our roles: One Thing A Leader Does

We finally got some winter where I live.  Yesterday we enjoyed the chance to go cross country skiing and sledding.

When we returned home and I was settling in the question came – Dad, would you come outside and help us build one of those big snow forts? My inside voice initially said No.  After all, my agenda was about rest and focusing on my to do list.  Then I realized how important it was for them.  So my verbal answer was Yes, and I spent the next hour helping them create a pretty cool fort.  The effort was rewarded later when my daughter’s friend was being picked up and the girls were bragging about the fort they built.  Their pride was my reward.

You see, there are certain roles we take on that, as part of the role, we commit to doing things that are important to others.  When we do that, the big message is You matter, so you get my time.  Relationships are built when we commit some of our time to the priorities of others.

Being a leader is one of those roles.  Inherent to your role as a leader is spending time worrying about/supporting others. Is it a sacrifice?  Sometimes.

One of the great books I have found that paints a picture of this time commitment is The One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard.

Remember your roles today – and make some of the commitments that come with them.

By Scott

Rule #1: Sleep

A friend who has never read a business book recommended Rework by the founders of 37signals.  It has made my top shelf and there is one message that helped preserve my sanity during the start-up of my business.  When you are tired, sleep.

Seems simple, but in our drive to complete everything and show any customer in the world that comes in contact with us what an amazing performer we are, the bar gets raised to a point that most of them cannot even see or appreciate.  For me, I was so focused on getting it all done that I forgot I was skilled at my craft and that many of these tasks took a third of the time if I was rested.  So since then I have just gone to bed, and here are a few outcomes for those who need data:

  • 0 missed deliverables
  • 0 feedback from clients indicating I was unprepared
  • 0 feedback from anyone that I appear more rested

The benefit was that it also allowed me to hone in on my new rule that when the house shuts down and my spouse goes to bed, I put everything down and go to bed.  A simple rule, but it has made all the difference.  Nobody else will care that you slept, except the people that have to live with you.  Doesn’t that matter?  It should . . .

Holidays is about being present and putting things down that can be handled later.  It should not take a book or a blog to tell us go to sleep, but sometimes these messages need to be spelled out and we need to be in a place to hear them.

My message for you:  Thanks for listening and sharing your stories with me.  I will not bother you until Jan 7, so stay present with the people that matter in your life.

Have a great holiday.

By Scott

You don’t need more data

An email came from the Gallup organization yesterday inviting me to buy a full ranking of my Strengthsfinder results for the bargain price of $89.  It promised my 34 talent themes ranked from strongest to weakest.  For those of you that have never taken it, when you buy Strengthsfinder 2.0 or Now, Discover Your Strengths from Gallup you get a code that will allow you to take an assessment that gives you your top 5 talents.  It is a great assessment.

Great move by Gallup, because the popularity of this assessment has resulted in tens of millions of people taking it.  If 1% get excited about this offer it will be very profitable.

I have personally helped over 500 people understand their Strengthsfinder results, and in every group there is always one person who wants more data – all 34 talent themes ranked.

My standard response has been – “What would you do with more data?”  The answers I hear includes statements like Then I will really know or words like certain, exact, and total clarity.

My response – Talent themes start the conversation.  The rest of the conversation is about understanding them, self-observing to see them at work, building on them, refining your understanding of them, and then repeating this process endlessly.  It is not a neat and clean project that ends with a deliverable.  In the end, someone tells you something like You are wise or You do a great job adapting to different situations.  In that is the inherent belief that You get yourself.

Self-awareness is a journey.  It is more about the work than the data.  Would you respond to an ad that claimed Receive total consciousness on your death bed for $74.99? (this is for Caddy Shack fans)

Feel free to buy more data, but you don’t need more data.  Do the work.