Category: Blog

By Scott

3 Books That Make Great Graduation Gifts

College graduation is coming up, and after last weekend working with 21 students in Michigan through our Governor’s Economic Summit I have been thinking a lot about what I experienced and ways in which all of us can invest in someone starting a career.  While high school graduations might compel us to get something like Oh, The Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss, college is a little different.  Here are three books that would be great gifts for a new grad to help them to success in their first job and connect you with that success:

LinchPin by Seth Godin:  A little longer, but is focused on helping people be purposeful about building their brand and reputation through their work.  It is a good balance between practical advice and thinking bigger.

Great On The Job by Jodi Glickman: This book is targeted at college students.  I have also used some of the advice Jodi gives (especially around getting feedback) with some of the mid/late career transition individuals I coach through Shifting Gears, but she targets the new grad.  Our governor is actually giving a signed copy to each student from our recent summit.

Effective Immediately by Emily Bennington and Skip Lineberg: I am preparing to review this book and share my thoughts through my TruTips, but in advance I also like this book.  It differs from Jodi’s book in that it provides lots of 1 page tips for individuals.  How I would make this a great gift would be for you to write a note that identified your top 5 and pledge to be a mentor as they read and use this in their first job.

There are other books new professionals should read, but hold off until they get a job.  I actually like one of the chapters in Effective Immediately where the authors give them a list of books to keep in their cubicle and to read.  The great thing about all of these books is they are focused on helping them be successful, and coupled with a pledge from you of some time to read it with them/mentor them – this actually become a great gift.

By Scott

How do I know you are a high potential? My 5 Qualifiers

As I watched them present, I realized that in the 16 hours since I last saw them – they got better.  It made me smile.

Sunday I had the opportunity to join a group of coaches to help 21 students looking for jobs in Michigan prepare to address 500+ business leaders and tell their story in 3 minutes.  The workshop included them presenting their story 4-6 times and having their peers and their coach give them feedback on what they did well and what is one thing they could do to improve next time.  Not surprisingly, they got better.  But what really made me smile is that after we sent them off (paired up with another student to do one on one coaching with each other), they returned and they demonstrated a huge leap in performance from the previous day.  In my 10 plus years being around high potentials through leadership development programs, it reminded me that is what high potentials do.

Are you a high potential?  Here are five things that tell me you qualify:

  1. You learn when I am not looking: If you read some of the research by Michael Lombardo and Robert Eichinger they call this Learning Agility.  It is measurable and backed by research.  When I am helping leaders teams think about potential and what it looks like I use the book The Leadership Machine.  If you are charged with developing leaders in your organization, this should be in your library because it is backed with research and it will help you focus on the right things in your efforts to find and develop leaders.
  2. I experience your infectious energy: High potentials might not be the smartest person in the room, but they are never accused of being disengaged or along for the ride.  They see problems as opportunities, and that rubs off on the people around them.
  3. You listen: In any relationship a key part of listening is receiving feedback.  I know people hear something because instantly it is reflected in their performance and they say thank you in such a sincere manner that you know they appreciated it and are going to strongly consider it.  Listening is also apparent from the questions that people ask.  When you ask questions that help clarify or lead the speaker to an area they need to address next or completely missed, it means you are listening.
  4. I see you teaching: I watched strangers give each other great feedback, both on the positive and the negative (ie. improvement) aspects of their performance.  It was great, and it was extremely accurate.  I also found myself learning.  They showed me how about effective networking and gave me some tips about how colleges are preparing students today.
  5. I see results: In the end, high potentials figure out the learning curve and get to a result.  Most of the time it is quicker than what is expected, and often time the answer redefines what would be considered a great outcome.  The improvement and final deliverable of the performance is the special sauce.

One thing I did not include is “Everyone likes you.”  I left that out because high potentials have to learn to manage relationships effectively with peers and subordinates, but often times that lesson is part of the learning / development program.  It is critical that leaders like and respect you, so the ability to manage up and do the work is critical from the beginning.  Ultimately, high potentials should not move up without learning the craft of building respect at all levels and demonstrating the ability to build healthy relationships and teams – but that is for another blog.

If you want to see some of these students speak, here is a link.

Do you have anything to add to my list based on your experience?

4 Keys To Successful Transitions
By Scott

4 Keys To Successful Transitions

Not Cool Robert Frost

If you have not seen the Kid President video on YouTube you should.  It has been played in our house through Apple TV no less than 12 times, with the funniest being watching my 86 year old father viewing it with his grandchildren saying “Isn’t this great Grandpa!”  It might not connect with all generations, but he was gracious. 🙂

There is a part in the video where Robert Frost’s famous poem, The Road Not Taken, is referenced and the kid president talks about how hard that road is with all the rocks, thorns, etc. . .   He then delivers the line – “Not cool Robert Frost”.  That line resonated and has been often repeated by my teenage daughter.  In the last two weeks, almost daily I have found situations where I repeat it.

Not cool Robert Frost

I love transitions.  People.  Teams.  Companies.  There is much to be gained in a great transition, and there is lots at stake because it is not an easy road.  Even in a successful transition there will be moments of failure.  My experience tells me that there are four key things that have to be there for a successful transition (whether it is corporate or individual):

  1. Desire to make the change
  2. Community of support for individuals doing the change (including at least 2 people willing to provide one on one support)
  3. Willingness and ability to learn, unlearn, and relearn (thanks for those words Greg Hartle) as part of the process.
  4. Resilience to do the work, regardless of the conditions (this is leadership)

As I look at this list, I see number 2 and 3 as the things anyone can be working on today regardless of their situation.  In fact, if you are not doing the work of making those a part of your work life, you are guaranteeing yourself / team / organization a difficult journey.

A story.  I was talking to someone who had successfully transitioned to a new role, only to have it go away months later.  The one thing they stopped doing when they landed?  Building/maintaining their community (#2).   Networking and maintaining your community is easy to stop when we are ‘busy’.   But it is the road that will become overgrown if not used at least a little.  It is also the piece that takes time to rebuild.  We create more rocks and thorns for ourselves when we stop doing all of the work of preparing ourselves, our teams, or our organizations for the transitions that will occur.

It is okay to rest, but don’t stop doing the work of preparation.  And when you hit a rock or a thorn, just blame Robert Frost and keep moving. 🙂

By Scott

Empathy – How I experienced it with a dog and 3 ways to build it with humans

I just finished a book called The Art of Racing in the Rain, which is a story told through the eyes of a dog.  Coincidentally, we just added a puppy to our family.  The book was amazing, and I will never look at Harper, or any other dog, the same way again.  In her presence I am constantly wondering what she is thinking, and trying to get her to tell me.  Read the book before you call me insane.  I now have empathy for dogs.

Harper Lee Patchin

There are lots of very clinical terms and tools for helping leaders understand what the people in their organizations are thinking.  360 feedback tools, employee surveys, personality assessments, behavioral assessments, classes, consultants, CEO breakfasts . . . . the list goes on.  I once had a new leader tell me the #1 surprise for them in becoming a leader was the loneliness because nobody told them things any more AND nobody asked them how they were doing.  It is too bad no one else understood that except me, he might have stayed longer.

Empathy – probably the number one challenge in any organization that prides itself on leaders that have relational capacity with the people that work for them.

Here is a secret – it is not a test, or a consultant, or a mini-PhD so you can guess more accurately why people do things.  It is a conversation.  One that happens with the sole intent that we need to know what each other are thinking.

There is a big topic, but let me give you three ways to help your journey of empathy:

  1. Make a habit out of asking people about themselves. What do I mean by that?  Here is a template I use with almost every group I work with.  Nothing fancy, but if I had a dollar for every time a team member was surprised by the number of children someone had or where they were born.  Well, I would be richer. 🙂
  2. You first. How do you share with your team what is keeping you up at night?  How do you tell them when you are dealing with a terminally ill parent?  I had a leader once share that ‘a pity party is the last thing I want.  I just need to man-up and get through it.”  Hmmm – at what cost?  10% of your team is paranoid that another cut is coming?  A new report thinks your disconnectedness is normal and leaves for another job?  Nobody steps up to pick up the balls you dropped (weekly staff meetings maybe?) because they are still in the coffee room stage of wondering What is up with Bill?  One leader once shared that monthly they took 2-3 minutes at the staff meeting to outline the top 2-3 problems they were trying to solve.  In the end, the team started picking a few up and solving them for the leader.
  3. Pick a relationship that really matters – and go have some conversations. For a leader that has a spouse or significant other, I recommend spending the next 2 months reading a book that focuses on understanding each other.  The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman or For Men Only / For Women Only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn.  Have a teenager?  What about go to a speaker on teenagers or commit to monthly breakfasts with them for the next 6 months.  I start with significant relationships because they matter the most and there is usually a strong reason to spend time on it.  Your sole job is to listen to understand – not tell to convince.

For me, it started with a dog book my wife told me I needed to read.  It is my daily reminder that I need to try a little harder, because there are always lots of reasons not to worry about it.

 

By Scott

Words and Presence

What do you like about this teacher?

Well, she is nice and . . . . .

You know the first thing you said was She was nice?  Being able to connect that way to students is a gift.  It goes beyond doing.  It is about really caring, and we sense that.

I witnessed this conversation between my daughter and my mother.  My Mom is a retired teacher, and her words reminded me how important it is to listen to what people say.

The words we use tell a story about what is important to us.  It is not magic, it is conversation.  The magic is in choosing to be present and willing to explore what you hear.

The words remind us what we should be doing to make deeper connections with people around us.

One of my favorite coaching topics is empathy and building relationships.  When leaders take on the assignment to go listen more the stories they return with are always full of magical moments.  It is not easy to make a change like this, but the reward makes it easier to keep trying to make it a habit.

Try it today, by simply asking the question – On this team, who is your most valuable person?  What about them is so special?

Just listen.

By Scott

3 Tips For Making Any Personal Journey A Success

I took a lunch break yesterday to go listen to my friend Dean Whittaker talk about the future.  I left with one page of notes in Everrnote (fyi:  I was paperless), three websites that could help me get smarter after I left, and two re-connections with people that I did not know would be there.  All in all it was 90 minutes well spent.

No matter where you want to go (career, performance management, personal change, business growth), here are three universal tips for a successful journey:

  1. Give first / the get will show up: Dean did not tell me he would make me smarter if I came, that was my secondary goal – with the primary one being to show support for him.
  2. Make a goal: I have a goal of one scheduled networking event a week.  Goal met this week (I actually have a checklist for my own healthy habits – email me if you want a copy).
  3. Depth vs Breadth: I sat with a long time friend that I have not seen in a while.  It is okay to settle in and catch up.  He actually introduced me to 2 people I should know.  Tip 3.5:  Be open to other conversations.

Any to add?

 

By Scott

Behind Performance Adjectives Series: Narcissistic

He is a Narcissist.  Can you fix him?

When I hear the word Fix I usually have to fight a smile.  Not a smile because something is funny, but a smile because that comment implies  people are like machines, and with a replacement part, some oil, and maybe a few ball bearings (for you Fletch fans) and they are good to go.  It is not that simple.

First, when a heavy label like narcissist is thrown out there, the first step is to get to what people mean by simply responding – “That is a big word that can mean lots of things.  Tell me a little bit more about what you  are seeing.”  If you look in Wikipedia here are some of the descriptors for narcissism:

  • An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges.
  • Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships
  • Haughty body language
  • Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt

With such a range, it is critical to clarify what people are seeing first.

Secondly, realize that chronic mental illness is present in <6% of the population, and in any year 28-30% experience a mental or addictive disorder.  (see my past post:  Nobody Behaves Well In The Corner)  If you think someone has a mental illness, it is probably only temporary and there is probably a good explanation if you have the time to explore it and understand it.

Finally, if you have the time, a tool like the Birkman can help put words around what they are feeling (or missing) because the stress behaviors the Birkman identifies are often the exact things that lead people to believe that someone is a narcissist.  Here is an example of two stress behaviors under Challenge, which describes our self-imposed demands for achievement.

  • Too critical and demanding of self an others
  • Feels inadequate, fears failure

A slow recovery for a normal company results in the same phenomenon as a fast growing company – do more with less.  That tension creates stress with people by itself, then throw in life (death, divorce, job loss) and we have recipe for lots of behaviors that get labels like narcissistic, crazy, or nuts.

Step one is not Fix it.  Step one is just to get it on the table to better understand it.  Tools like the Birkman help that conversation.

 

By Scott

Behind Performance Adjectives Series: Self-Centered

Working with leaders and individuals on making successful transitions, I hear a lot of adjectives.  Within an adjective is a very important piece of information, perception.  So here is one I hear too often:  Self-centered.  What does it mean and How do you deal with it if it sticks to you?

How to understand self-centered: I use an assessment called the Birkman Method because it has a unique way of directly measuring Usual Style, Needs, and Stress Behaviors.  In one sentence, the Birkman says that if needs are not met then stress behavior results.  In one of the eleven components that Birkman measures, Acceptance, is how we relate to people in groups.  It is not uncommon for people to show a usual behavior of having a preference for individual assignments, and still have a need for group meetings where they have specific needs of:

  • Reassurance from others when tasks become frustrating and lonely
  • Social status

If they do not get that group time, some stress behaviors that show up are less concern about individuals in the group.  Hmmm – – sounds kind of self-centered.

 

How to fix self-centered: First, recognize that anyone showing more energy for group work than team work will get this label, especially if people see they only show up for meetings so that they can get kudos/support from others.  Two key steps:  First, name the need up front so instead of labeling the behavior we can just understand why it is happening.  Secondly, for the individual it is important to see your need as a potential barrier to working well with others.  Being structured about using your meeting time to sharing your wins, challenges, and areas you need team input is important.  You also need to develop the habit of asking others how they are doing and trying to do one thing per meeting where you go out of your way to help someone else.

How to interpret / share self-centered.  One book I share with people in my library is Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott.  A key way to deal with our jump to adjective is to see it and step to ask ourselves What story am I telling myself right now? Follow this up with a shift by asking yourself:  What assumption am I making?  What question could I ask (person’s name) to gain some clarity?

An example:  Imagine seeing your friend Bob in a meeting where he comes in, shares what he did great this week, asks for help on a couple of things, and then leaves suddenly before anyone else got to talk and bring up some of the things that they needed his input.  The story in your head – There goes Bob again, showing how he is the center of everything and not caring about the team again.  How self-centered.  The story has been written . . . . .

A good follow-up conversation with Bob:  Hey Bob, could I ask you a question:  You popped into the meeting today and left before our team had a chance to talk about issue x.  We really needed your input and it frustrated me because that is the second week in a row and it is delaying decision x.  What’s up?  See the book if you want to learn how to finish this conversation . . . .

In summary: Watch your adjectives, and work to understand the stories we are telling ourselves that substantiate our conclusions and perceptions.

As an individual, don’t be so surprised when the outcome of our actions result in stories/adjectives that are not flattering.  When we repeatedly leave meetings early, give one word answers, ask very few questions, or use email as our primary way of interacting with everyone, unflattering adjectives will be the result.  The Birkman Method is a great lens for starting a great conversation that will help deal with these issues before they become an issue.

Safety and Leadership – 2 Tips for Seeing It and 1 Tip for Creating It
By Scott

Safety and Leadership – 2 Tips for Seeing It and 1 Tip for Creating It

After a recent team conversation I was reminded how important feeling safe is to people.  When safety is there, conversations have a depth and significance that put individuals and teams on a path to a good place.

I named my company The trU Group because in my years leading and helping leaders I have come to believe that the two key things for leaders to focus on every day is Building trUst and leveraging that trUst to get the trUth spoken.  One of the adjectives I would use to describe a great conversation – SAFE.

Trust creates SAFETY - the TRUTH follows

I am a consultant, so when I go into an organization I often get bombarded with opinions and information.  Inherent in that information are various versions of the trUth.  The question I have learned to ask, especially if I am hearing a frustration with someone else is How has this information been shared with person x? Here is how I read safety based on the answer:

  • I can’t share it.  / There is no way I can share it. – My standard rule when I hear this is there is a safety issue.  This needs a follow-up question like.  Tell me a little more about that? or What is the barrier?
  • Not yet.  / I am not sure how to share it. – Not a safety issue, probably a courage or skill issue.  A great situation for coaching.

So what is a standard rule for leaders to create safety?  I would share a quote that sums it up.

Truth-telling works best when it involves revealing your own feelings, not when it is used to insult others and get your own way.

George Leonard – Mastery (p. 126)

In the end.  Leader go first, and focus on the things that the person you are talking about cannot see (ie: What you are feeling.  What is on your mind. What is keeping you up?  What has gone really well this week?)  My only do not statement is – DONOT start with a critique of what someone is doing wrong.

You will know when SAFETY is there.  Just listen for it.

 

Knowing our roles: One Thing A Leader Does
By Scott

Knowing our roles: One Thing A Leader Does

We finally got some winter where I live.  Yesterday we enjoyed the chance to go cross country skiing and sledding.

When we returned home and I was settling in the question came – Dad, would you come outside and help us build one of those big snow forts? My inside voice initially said No.  After all, my agenda was about rest and focusing on my to do list.  Then I realized how important it was for them.  So my verbal answer was Yes, and I spent the next hour helping them create a pretty cool fort.  The effort was rewarded later when my daughter’s friend was being picked up and the girls were bragging about the fort they built.  Their pride was my reward.

You see, there are certain roles we take on that, as part of the role, we commit to doing things that are important to others.  When we do that, the big message is You matter, so you get my time.  Relationships are built when we commit some of our time to the priorities of others.

Being a leader is one of those roles.  Inherent to your role as a leader is spending time worrying about/supporting others. Is it a sacrifice?  Sometimes.

One of the great books I have found that paints a picture of this time commitment is The One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard.

Remember your roles today – and make some of the commitments that come with them.