People Habits before People Skills – Johari Window

I remember the moment I became passionate about one-on-ones.  I was in day 2 supporting a nationally known author/consultant in the area of conflict management/robust conversations.  Our challenge:  We were 16 months into a curriculum rollout/organizational change and the success was present, but only in pockets.  As we went from group to group getting feedback on successes and failures, a question came to my mind, so I asked it.  “Bill, in your assumptions of organizations and relationships between leaders and their teams, do you assume that leaders are meeting one-on-one with their teams regularly?”   His answer “Yes.”  It hit me, we can equip leaders all day long to have these wonderful fierce, crucial, or honest conversations, and yet if they are not creating controlled space that is safe and focused (like a one-on-one conversation) it will be difficult to practice and change habits.  More importantly Failure rate > Success rate – and failure in the area of building relationships (ie. leadership) is expensive at many levels.

That is also the time I realized I would start a crusade around habits that mean the most to people (ie. engagement!) and that busy leaders, if they are willing to practice them will get the biggest ROT (return on time).

Here are some videos I have put together for leaders to think differently about this time using the Johari Window as a lens for not only how they listen, but how they create safety for their people by sharing first.

Leadership and the Johari Window – Part 1

Leadership and the Johari Window – Part 2

 What is to come?  A script for how this could be a 15 minute time of learning in one of your team meetings and a key note/workshop around one on ones where this could be used.  Subscribe to my trU Tips and you will get the templates.

I believe our learning model for most organizations has changed, instead of going off to class, practicing, and then coming back to receive practice/support to help us get better – we now are in positions where we have to learn as we do and it is important in that model to get support and feedback real-time.  Since 99.9% of companies have <500 people, this model works great as long as leaders are present on a somewhat routine basis and the time is productive for both leader and individual.

My goal is to equip leaders and key supporters (HR leaders) to help their people create the habits that feed a frenzy of honest conversations, that lead to thoughtful actions, and result in trUPerformance.

Tough Conversations

Is there someone in your work life that is causing you pain?

There are some great books out on having difficult conversations.  My two favorites:  Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott and Crucial Conversations by the Vital Smarts team.  When I script leadership development activities, this is the #2 learning must for any new/current leader.  It is that important and it gets easier, but it is never that easy.

If I were a leader every time I looked around the room and realized more than half my team is new in the last 12 months, I would make a group learning assignment to read/reread one of these books as a team.  It could also be a gift for a new team member, and if you do that remember my gift giving advice!

Let me add another voice to this topic, a TED talk by Ash Beckham.  It is not specific enough to outline the skills of having honest conversations with people, but it certainly speaks to the heart of the topic.  I found myself laughing as she shared her own transformation to having more honest conversations.  Her voice is not academic – instead it is very real and that makes her advice/story relevant and helpful.

She started by controlling her own narrative first.  It would be a great follow-up to a book study group because many of the themes of the above books are captured in her talk.

A big part of having tough conversations is showing up often enough – in a focused manner – with your people to have all the other conversations that constitute a relationship. Habits around One-on-Ones and team meetings are critical to making this skill even more relevant and EASIER.

What makes tough conversations tougher is when, as leaders, those are the only time we show up to connect with our people.

Lots of Reasons, No Excuses

The conversation around performance is always a tricky one.  When I walk into a new working relationship with a CEO/Leader, I often hear the word accountability as a desired outcome.  When I explore it I hear stories that illustrate a leadership style that starts with ‘hands off/you own it” and generally ends up with “Letting them know my frustration / taking on the task myself”.  When this is the story, I can guarantee a leader that those they lead are not owning the results because the leader is not giving them the appropriate space and support to do the right thing.

Here is one shift a leader can make to start down the path of being a better supporter/coach and ultimately increasing the accountability they see with their team.

No Excuses . . . . 

The definition of an excuse when it is used as a verb –  attempt to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offense); seek to defend or justify.  If you are managing an english major or someone with Google skills, they might point out that as a noun the definition is a reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offense.  In either case, excuses are put forth because a person feels the need to defend their action.  Excuses start us down the path of establishing guilt, penalty, or innocence vs blame.  It could track back to the culture established by the previous leader – which is an excuse in itself!

Lots of Reasons . . . 

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Leadership – The biggest choice you will have to make

As a leader, at some point you must decide what you believe leadership is.

I uttered these words in trU Tips 28, and I can’t stop reading them.  Most of us lead in places where there are no competency models, corporate training departments, coaching pools, or learning and development budgets.  We might not have an exact idea of how to answer this question, and yet it is a question that starts a journey and refocuses a journey.  Once you answer it, these next few questions help you chart a path to personal growth AND significance.

  • Where do you lead in your life today?
  • How would you prioritize these leadership roles?
  • How would you rate your performance in each role?
  • How are you getting better at ________ leadership role?

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#joymatters

I met a guy named Rich Sheridan two years ago, and have had the pleasure of touring his company (Menlo Innovations) several times.  Menlo is a software company that has developed a very unique culture and Rich has just published a book about it called Joy, Inc.  How We Built a Workplace People Love.  I read a lot of business books, and rarely do I finish any of them.  I am good for 150-175 pages, but at some point I run out of gas.  I read Joy cover to cover.  It was part because I have experienced the culture and personal tours from Rich, and part because it gave me a chance to hear all of Rich’s journey with the culture at Menlo.  He is coming to speak at our local chamber on June 6, so I look forward to sharing him with some of my high growth second stage companies.

At the very end of the book, he gives three next steps to any leaders who want to open up the conversations in their workplace and make JOY a greater part of their business, and I loved them. Here is the excerpt.

WHERE DO YOU SIT? Most visitors are simultaneously intrigued by and uncomfortable with the thought of a space without walls, offices, cubes, or doors. As I mentioned earlier, our guests are intrigued by the fact that I sit out in the room with everyone else. This kind of managerial experiment builds trust, the kind that comes from treating your team members like the adults they are.

Changing your seating is a simple experiment to run. If you are a leader trapped in an office or caught by the trappings of an office, turn the office into a conference room, grab a small table, and move out among the rest of your team. Ask them to select the table’s location. Tell them it’s okay to move it whenever they like without asking permission. Post a sign-up sheet outside the new conference room that was your old office and let the team know it’s available to anyone, first come, first served. Have them name the room.

You can always book the conference room yourself for those truly private conversations. I’m guessing you will be amazed at how few there are. If you are having a lot of private conversations, there is likely something else amiss with your team that requires deeper attention.

Remember my earlier admonition: everyone has to change in order for you to achieve the dramatic change you seek. This includes you. What’s the worst that can happen?

—

TRY A STANDUP MEETING FOR A WEEK: Go back to chapter four and read about how we do our daily standup meeting. Try it for a week. Set a timer, pick a goofy token, and experiment with some silly traditions. Find something fun in your current culture and blend it in.

—

COME VISIT: There’s one thing you have that I didn’t: Menlo. Come visit, explore[…]”

 

Excerpt From: Sheridan, Richard. “Joy, Inc.” Penguin Group, USA, 2013-12-26. iBooks.

This material may be protected by copyright.

. . . and When We Want Feedback – Step 1

(Thanks to Seth Godin for planting the seed for this post – this is post 2 on this topic, see Post 1 if you want to start at the beginning)

I have talked to dozens of groups about feedback, and in almost every case someone comes to me and asks me to give them feedback based on my interactions with them.  I applaud their willingness to seek feedback, but it is the wrong place to start because there is no context.  Some feedback is too broad.  So if you want feedback, here are some tips for gathering valuable feedback.

Step 1:  Mentally be ready

Feedback is not about feeling good (that’s applause), it is about getting better.  There are ways to effectively give feedback that allows us to not only reflect on successes (things we need to KEEP doing), but also identify where we can get better (START doing and STOP doing items).  Regardless of the method, to receive the feedback you have to first prepare yourself to get it, because it is always hard to hear.

Jodi Glickman wrote a book called Great On The Job, and in it she outlines some very simple advice on feedback.  Here are the phases/steps she outlines for getting valuable feedback.

Phase 1:  The Preparation

  1. Plant the Seed
  2. Schedule the Conversation
  3. Provide Specific Guidance (of What You’re Looking For)

Phase 2:  The Conversation

  1. Ask for Concrete Ways to Improve
  2. Say Thank You
  3. Wait, Digest, and Revisit

The number one miss I see happening is skipping Phase 1.  The key to this step is letting people know you will be asking and helping them understand what would help you the most.  If you are working on your nerves – ask them to watch for signs you are nervous.  If you are working on use of humor, ask them to track laughter and how effectively you used humor.  The key is to plant the seed and to pick a time to talk about it that is convenient for them and will be the best time for you to hear it.  fyi – sometimes coming off the high of a 2 hour presentation is not a good time for you to really listen to feedback.

I do a lot of presentations to groups, and when it is possible I take one of my children so they get to experience me at work and I have someone that will give me feedback.  In a presentation last year to a group of entrepreneurs I took my oldest daughter.  I told her before I started that I wanted her to watch me and give me feedback on one thing I could do to improve.  At the end, I took her to dinner and asked her what feedback she had for me.  Her response was “You did a good job Dad, but at the end when you went around the room to ask people What one thing you are taking away from our time together?, you talked too much so it dragged.  At that point people want to leave and you need to keep things moving.”

She was right – I did start too many 20-30 second conversations.  It was great, and it happened because I first focused on The Preparation.  Next time I will be better.

Whether it is a One on One or a performance conversation, Always start with preparation.  Remember, leading and being led is about having Honest Conversations that lead to Thoughtful Actions, that result in Improved Performance.

What Seth Said – and more . .

I listen to many experts/sources – Seth Godin, Wired Magazine, Inc. Magazine, Parker Palmer, Huffington Post, Thomas Friedman, Emily Bennington, my Mom, the Wall Street Journal.  There are more, but these stand out for me this morning.

The one I go back to daily is Seth Godin.  I like Seth because his voice is edgy and challenging, and he writes about things that are important.  Here is a piece of his recent post called The feedback you’ve been waiting for . . .

“You did a great job. This is exactly what I was hoping for. I wouldn’t change a thing. You completely nailed it, it’s fabulous.”

Of course, that’s not feedback, really. It’s applause.

Applause is great. We all need more of it.

But if you want to improve, you should actively seek feedback.

(here is the full post if you are interested)

It is so true, and I am guiltier than most.  I know that.  Traditional wisdom would tell us, as leaders, to commit to this and go start asking for it.  That will be nice, but it won’t work because unless we put ourselves in situations where it HAS to happen it won’t.  Most people are too nice, and most of us are too afraid to ask.

For leaders – Here is what you can to get feedback:  1) Create a safe space where it can be given   2) Ask  3) Be genuinely excited/grateful when you get it  4) Don’t give up.  (fyi:  #3 is harder than #2 – and you won’t be successful unless you do #4)

For individuals – See above – – and when you see a leader looking for help to get better, be courageous and constructive.  We are constructive when we focus on behaviors, not intent.  If you are not sure what that means – go study Fierce Conversations)

The safe space is the one on one.  When we create time for others to help us lead them/support them, and ask the right questions we will get feedback eventually. (see previous post).

Seth started this thought, and I am more than happy to finish it.  More importantly – Are you ready to finish it with your actions?

 

3 Questions to Transform Your One on One

For at least the first half of 2014, my focus of posts will be around the one on one conversation and individual development.  Since I published the Talent Scorecard, I have become convinced that certain habits in leaders make the most difference – the one on one is a key habit, and I am going to focus providing resources for leaders and individuals to make these great conversations.

There are 3 keys to great one on ones:

1. The individual (not the leader) owns it (ie.  It is their time, not yours!)

2.  The leader never cancels without immediately rescheduling

3.  The leader focuses on: Alignment, Support, Feedback (giving and getting)

Let’s focus on Getting Feedback.  The three questions in the past I have shared that will help build a conversation around feedback for you as the leader are:  What should I KEEP doing?  What should I START doing?  What should I STOP doing?

The core focus of these questions are the basics of feedback 101 – Tell you what you are doing well and get feedback from your team on opportunities to be a better leader. Getting BETTER means– Being reminded what you are doing well, identify some opportunities to increase your effectiveness, and potentially identify actions/behaviors that are getting in your way of being an effective leader.

Sometimes these questions are not effective because they are so different.  Understand the spirit of the questions, and don’t be bound by the words if they do not sound like your voice.  Write your own.  Here are some alternatives, and the text in blue is the intent of the question:

  • What decisions/actions are people still wondering what the WHY was for that action?  (Are you an effective communicator?)
  • As we think about the next 3-6 months, what does the team need?  (What actions would make the most difference?  How effectively are you meeting their needs?)
  • We are doing some operational planning – What do you think should are top 3 priorities should be as a company?  As a team?  (Are you an effective communicator? How aligned is the team with your vision for what is important?  Do you have a vision?)
  • If we were going to pull the team together for a 30 minute update – What do you think they would want to hear about?  (Are you an effective communicator?)
  • What is one thing I did in the last 30 days that made your job harder?  (Do they trust you enough to tell you the truth?  What behaviors of yours are destructive?)

Remember, the goal is to make a safe environment by asking questions, listening thoughtfully (just asking clarifying questions), thanking them for being candid, and making sure to follow-up after you have thought through some things.  Pick one or two of these to ask – – and remember that you are listening for what you did that confused people and/or what do they need more clarity on?  Your questions to gain that clarity is:  Tell me a little more about that? and How could I/we have handled that differently?/What could we have done to get a different outcome?

Managing your talent/team is about having thoughtful conversations.  When we have thoughtful conversations, followed by meaningful actions, we get the higher performance that makes our organizations go forward.

What other habits or questions have you found that are most helpful in leading?

Learning and 2014

Rarely do I recommend a book to someone to fulfill a need for development.  While I love to read, it is probably the least effective way to learn.  Here are two knocks against making it the default for development:

1.  Reading is too often hiding.  Here is an example –  conflict management.  I have encountered two situations in the past year where someone was assigned a task to read a book about dealing more directly with conflict.  In each case they did not get better but they enjoyed the book.  Hmm . . . .

2.  Reading is based on the premise that you need more information to deal with a challenge.  My first question around a development goal is what have you learned or experienced in the past that applies to this challenge?  My two oldest children have received more leadership training in the last year than I have in the last 5 years.  Use what they have first, and they likely have something to use.

Here are two moves that help replace the need for books and still provide a way to refresh your knowledge and challenge your thinking:

1.  Find one thinker that pushes you and commit to reading their blog, YouTube channel, or email every week.  (I read Seth Godin and have setup a Feedly page to send me content in topics that are important for me)

2.  Carve out 15 minutes of learning time in every team meeting where people on your team teach each other something new.  Need content?  See #1.

I love learning.  In each of the 5 times I have taken the Strengthsfinder assessment over the last 10 years Learner shows up in my top 5.  Learning agility is the one competency Lominger was able to tie to the identification of high potentials.  Learning is important, but in 2014 it does not mean pick up a book.

My message for 2014 is to keep learning but put the books away and add more doing to your development goals.

 

 

Creating Space for Honest Conversations: Some Tips

Creating Space for Honest Conversations: Some Tips

As a leader, you are not a psychologist.  When we spend too much time trying to get into the heads of our people we are destined to drive ourselves and everyone else crazy.

That is the message I tell leaders in almost every class or coaching relationship I have had for the last 15 years.

Your goal:  Getting people to tell us where they are with things and what they need.  More simply put:  An honest conversation, leading to thoughtful actions, and resulting in higher performance. 

There are some questions that help create momentum towards an honest conversation.  Are you asking any of these?

    • What is energizing you now?
    • What is frustrating you now?
    • What do you need me to keep doing?  Start doing?  Stop doing?
    • What are the things you are hearing that I should know?
    • What should our team be celebrating in 6 months?  What do you want to be celebrating in 6 months?

After over a decade of watching intentional conversations happen in companies I am convinced of two things:

    1. It is impossible to get good answers to these questions without intentional one on one time with your team.
    2. In order for these questions to work, it takes a 3-6 month commitment to stick with one on one time and follow-up on any actions.

If you are looking for a great focus for next year, spend the first part of the year creating these conversations with your team.

Honest conversations   |   Thoughtful actions   |   Higher performance

 

fyi:  Here are some templates that might help