Development: Fun vs Easy, and 3 Tips For Leaders To Make It More Fun

A friend shared a great analogy with me last week comparing professional development and golf.  He had a friend that was a teaching pro in golf, and received lots of requests to ‘help my game get better’.  Ultimately he told everyone the same thing – if you want to get better you need to practice lots more, and play fewer full rounds of golf.  Person after person came for lessons, and only actually practiced when they were paying the pro for lessons.  Their games never really got better.

In the space between mediocre and great is work.   But not just work, purposeful work targeted at getting better in an area that you are interested in and passionate about.  There is nothing EASY about the path to mastery, and yet there are moves to make the work more fun.

If you lead others, here are three tips for making the work you ask from your people more fun:

  1. Leader – you first:  If people see you taking on projects where you name the intent (challenge/growth) and keep a positive attitude when it gets hard, they will have a role model.  Your attitude towards your own development will permeate your team.
  2. Ask first for participation:  Two easy questions for people:  What do you want to do more of in your role?  What do you want to do less of? – help people identify areas they want to focus and work to match that with improvements you want made.   They get more practice in an area of interest, and you make it a range session.
  3. View failure as learning:  Part of practice is hitting a bad shot.  Make a habit out of doing two things when that happens:  First, pour your energy into either helping them fix it or thanking them for reacting so quickly to fix it.  Make it a point to circle back and simply ask the questions:  What did you learn from that incident?  What steps can we take to ensure that does not happen again?

The one thing I did not hear from the pro is the option of using a slow day on the course to hit multiple balls, retake shots, or take some extra time to think through shots.  I often see the summer as a time to bring in some interns, spread the work around ,and give people time to focus on improving their games.

Practice is what you make of it, you won’t reach MASTERY without it, it will never be the classic definition of EASY, and many times you will have to work to make it Fun.

When I see MASTERY at work in a controller, a project manager, a speaker, or a COO I marvel at how easy they make it look – and I also seek out the story behind their MASTERY.   Funny connection – their story never sounds easy, but it often sounds fun.

4 Fallacies of Networking

Let me lend a different lens to your network – It is your number one resource for learning and professional development.  How is yours?

I found myself in several conversations with people over the past month who were lamenting the pain and anguish of networking.  Many were struggling to make the commitment to networking as part of their search for work.  I have spent the last decade speaking to groups about the importance of building relationships – and that conversation generally leads back to networking.  I  know it is hard, and I also know it is probably easier for me because of how I am wired.

4 Fallacies of Networking

  1. Networking is a lot of work – I shared my monthly goal for networking events last week and the group was surprised.  My goal = 2 per month.  What counts is any gathering of a group of people and my goal is simple, meet one or two people that I will follow-up with a written note.  That is it.  My goal is not quantity, just quality.  Chamber of Commerce events count, but so does a Booster Board meeting or high school sporting event.  If I do this consistently for a year it results in (at a minimum):  24 events, 48 written notes, and roughly 12-15 follow-up cups of coffee.
  2. Networking is an event – I have a goal of 2 events, but that is not really the end, it is just a piece of it.  Networking is a mindset.  Here is how I view networking based on my beliefs:
    • I believe that hearing the stories of others is important.
    • I believe that it is important to find other people that share my passions/goals, and the only way to do that is to hear stories and share my story.
    • I believe that the end point of getting to know others is a relationship that will continue into the future.
    • I believe in the importance of building relationships.
  3. Networking is inclusive – LinkedIn is a main way I keep track of my network.  I made a decision to kick all LIONs (LinkedIn Open Networker) out of my network.  I want people in my network that are active, positive, and people with which I have a professional connection/opinion.  That does not include everyone, and not letting someone in my network does not mean that they are bad, it just means they don’t fit my network.  I also have a habit where I review my LinkedIn connections once or twice a year and take people out of my network.  I look through and if I do not recognize or remember them I delete them.  I also delete people that post daily or mainly sell with their posts.
  4. Networking is Kissing Up to people you don’t like – I love this one, because it is generally from people who are looking for reasons not to do it.  If the goals of networking are to get to know others, have others get to know you, and learn things through connections/conversations, then you will have to talk to people that you would not invite to dinner.   An important part of networking is always being open to listen and learn, regardless of the source.  From my perspective, networking is about learning, and if it is done correctly you meet new people, build some great relationships, and you learn lots of new things.

I attended an event earlier this year with someone I had not seen in a while, and they gave me feedback that it seemed like I knew everyone.  The reality, I knew about 20 people of the 800 people that attended the event, and most I had met since starting my business.  Remember my goal?  In 5 years my networking effort adds up to roughly 120 events, 240 written notes, and 50-75 cups of coffee.

I know networking is hard.  There are events I go to that I do not have the energy for and end up leaving early.  I also miss events because I have other commitments as a husband or father that are more important.  Networking does not have to be your top priority, but it does have to be a priority if you are looking to grow professionally and have a positive impact on your community.

3 Tips for Doing One-on-Ones: Skill #1 Approachability

I have developed and coached leaders for a decade now, as well as sitting in the seat as a ‘busy and stressed out executive’.  It was in the latter role that I began to see my own relationships with my people deteriorate because I was too busy and distracted by challenges I could only share with a trusted peer, my leader, or (more than likely) my spouse.  So I know One-on-Ones are hard.  I also know they are critical to leading well in any environment, but especially in a fast paced environment.

One of the key things a leader has to develop is APPROACHABILITY.   The Leadership Architect® by Lominger describes Approachability as:

Is easy to approach and talk to;  spends extra effort to put others at ease; can be warm, pleasant, and gracious; is sensitive to and patient with the interpersonal anxieties of others;  builds rapport well;  is a good listener;  is an early knower, getting informal and incomplete information in time to do something about it.

First, I get to sit with leaders as an outside expert there to support them.  Rarely do I meet with someone that does not fit this – when they are relaxed, maybe having a glass of wine or a coffee, and they are across from someone focused 100% on what they need (my role as a coach).  So let’s start with a few reasons why others don’t see you as Approachable.  Here are some excuses I have heard from some highly paid/skilled professionals as to why they don’t approach you for One-on-One time.

  • She seems so busy, I hate to bother her.  Even when her door is open or she is darting from meeting to meeting she seems deep in thought.  She is a kind person, but I can’t bring myself to interrupt her.
  • It feels weak for me to ask for time.  We have had so many layoffs in the last decade, that I somehow feel like if I ask for time I might fall into the ‘needy/hard to manage’ group that ends up being the first on the list that gets generated as soon as we see a soft sales forecast.  I need the direction and feedback, but end up talking myself out of asking almost every time.  The last time I scheduled a One-on-One I thought about it for almost a year before I asked.
  • I don’t see him doing that with his leader or the board.  If he does not see the value in it why would he do it with me?
  • She mentioned scheduling something once, but that is the last time we heard about it.  Our filter with her on work she asks us to do is jump on it when she mentions it the second time, so until we hear it a second time we don’t think she is serious.
  • To do it means getting past his assistant, who scares me.  One time Jill asked for some time and after the grilling she got from Shannon ‘The Pit Bull’, Jill never went back.  Jill still tears up when she tells the story.  Nobody messes with The Pit Bull.

Here are three moves you can make to be seen as SKILLED in the area of approachability.

  1. You own scheduling the first 6 meetings.  This gets them past the Pit Bull in your life, shows them you are serious, and takes the burden off of them.
  2. Always lace your script with questions.  Start with – What significant things have happened for you in the past week? Then work in:  What are your three priorities this week?, What celebrations have you had since we last met?”  and What support will you need over the coming weeks?  Being skilled at approachability means you get informal and incomplete information in time to do something about it – – – and the only way you get that is to ask questions and listen for what keeps being mentioned by one person or is a theme across your team.
  3. Never miss without rescheduling, and never extend the committed time.  The reality is you are busy, and if you say 30 minutes stick to it.  At least part of your team needs to learn to be brief and focused with the time, and you are not helping it by sitting there for an hour every time.   If they need more time schedule it right there, but end with “How can I support you between now and our next One-on-One?”.

This is the beginning of a series around One-on-Ones.  I welcome your thoughts and comments on what has worked.  I answer all comments on my blog or emails, so send me a note.

Much of leadership is about great conversations.  When we have them, good things happen.  Step 1 is being more approachable.

 

Listen Well

I follow several thought leaders and information sources, and there are only a couple I read >90% of the time.  Seth Godin is one.

His post today was very simple:  Two ways to listen

You can listen to what people say, sure.

But you will be far more effective if you listen to what people do.

I have been working with a career transition program called Shifting Gears, that helps mid/late career professionals make successful career transitions.  Many come because they have been out of work for >6 months.   One of the most important part of the program is captured by changing Seth’s words around a little.  I would say:

Others can listen to what you say, sure.

But the relationships you build will be defined by your actions.

Others are listening, and instead of worrying about how you are perceived, focus on how you live into the words you speak.

I remember one conversation in Shifting Gears that happened as our day began, and the individual was angry, frustrated, and seeing all the barriers (plus making a few up) between themselves and work.  Two hours later, they had moved past the barriers, and were optimistic and doing the work of finding work.  In listening to their actions, it became clear that they were developing  the capacity to get knocked down, and to get back up.  I saw them do this multiple times, and each time they came to apologize to me for being so stuck and negative – – I shared with them what I saw.

“Being stuck is part of any journey, and telling me about it is fine.  My job is to just listen sometimes.  What I respect and admire is that you made the choice not to stay there.  Keep doing that and you will be fine, and the world will get a gift when you are back working.”

Seth is right, and we will be far more effective as spouses, parents, professionals, friends, and leaders if we use that lens on ourselves before we use it on others.

Listen well.

 

Training is up . . . is ROI?

I remember every detail of the conversation.  The executive was talking to me about an investment in his people as the economy just started to recover in 2010.  He said he had put $2500 in the budget for training for each of his people.  When I asked him what kind of training he was thinking he said “He did not care, it was up to them.”  I asked him what kind of conversations they had around the development of their people, and if some sort of written development plan was part of it.  He said No.  Was this a wise investment?

Spending on training went up 50% in 2013, which is a great thing.  Investing in your people is always a good thing because, at the very least, it shows them you care.  As you spend more just remember two things:

  • 90% of learning happens outside the classroom
  • 70% of people go to training without a reason for being there

(see trU Tips #3 – Improving Your Training ROI)

In my opinion, the ROI of your training spend is dependent on these two numbers.  For the first one, when I do not see a written development plan my experience tells me that most of your people are getting training randomly and waiting for training $ to appear.    Secondly, without a written development plan and one-on-one follow-up with their leader, people see training  as something they show-up to, but very little gets transferred back to the job.  The data supports this, and in the era of flatter organizations, I would be surprised if the transfer of learning to work improved.

Quick tips . . .

First tip:  When someone on your team goes to training take a 3×5 card and have them write one learning objective on one side and you write one on the other – then after the training set a date to review these goals within a week of them returning to work.

Second tip:  Have someone do a single page summary around what they learned, how the team might benefit from what they learned, and one thing they will be doing to apply what they learned – then share it at your next team meeting.

I did several employee surveys in 2013, and in each of them the lack of training and development was highlighted by people.   It is good to see the money being spent, and if you want a higher return for your investment just the two tips above will make a big difference.  Each will also lead to a great conversation.

I still believe that Honest Conversations, leading to Thoughtful Actions, and ultimately Improved Performance is at the core of culture and talent management.  Commit to it, and the returns will surely follow.

People Habits before People Skills – Johari Window

I remember the moment I became passionate about one-on-ones.  I was in day 2 supporting a nationally known author/consultant in the area of conflict management/robust conversations.  Our challenge:  We were 16 months into a curriculum rollout/organizational change and the success was present, but only in pockets.  As we went from group to group getting feedback on successes and failures, a question came to my mind, so I asked it.  “Bill, in your assumptions of organizations and relationships between leaders and their teams, do you assume that leaders are meeting one-on-one with their teams regularly?”   His answer “Yes.”  It hit me, we can equip leaders all day long to have these wonderful fierce, crucial, or honest conversations, and yet if they are not creating controlled space that is safe and focused (like a one-on-one conversation) it will be difficult to practice and change habits.  More importantly Failure rate > Success rate – and failure in the area of building relationships (ie. leadership) is expensive at many levels.

That is also the time I realized I would start a crusade around habits that mean the most to people (ie. engagement!) and that busy leaders, if they are willing to practice them will get the biggest ROT (return on time).

Here are some videos I have put together for leaders to think differently about this time using the Johari Window as a lens for not only how they listen, but how they create safety for their people by sharing first.

Leadership and the Johari Window – Part 1

Leadership and the Johari Window – Part 2

 What is to come?  A script for how this could be a 15 minute time of learning in one of your team meetings and a key note/workshop around one on ones where this could be used.  Subscribe to my trU Tips and you will get the templates.

I believe our learning model for most organizations has changed, instead of going off to class, practicing, and then coming back to receive practice/support to help us get better – we now are in positions where we have to learn as we do and it is important in that model to get support and feedback real-time.  Since 99.9% of companies have <500 people, this model works great as long as leaders are present on a somewhat routine basis and the time is productive for both leader and individual.

My goal is to equip leaders and key supporters (HR leaders) to help their people create the habits that feed a frenzy of honest conversations, that lead to thoughtful actions, and result in trUPerformance.

Tough Conversations

Is there someone in your work life that is causing you pain?

There are some great books out on having difficult conversations.  My two favorites:  Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott and Crucial Conversations by the Vital Smarts team.  When I script leadership development activities, this is the #2 learning must for any new/current leader.  It is that important and it gets easier, but it is never that easy.

If I were a leader every time I looked around the room and realized more than half my team is new in the last 12 months, I would make a group learning assignment to read/reread one of these books as a team.  It could also be a gift for a new team member, and if you do that remember my gift giving advice!

Let me add another voice to this topic, a TED talk by Ash Beckham.  It is not specific enough to outline the skills of having honest conversations with people, but it certainly speaks to the heart of the topic.  I found myself laughing as she shared her own transformation to having more honest conversations.  Her voice is not academic – instead it is very real and that makes her advice/story relevant and helpful.

She started by controlling her own narrative first.  It would be a great follow-up to a book study group because many of the themes of the above books are captured in her talk.

A big part of having tough conversations is showing up often enough – in a focused manner – with your people to have all the other conversations that constitute a relationship. Habits around One-on-Ones and team meetings are critical to making this skill even more relevant and EASIER.

What makes tough conversations tougher is when, as leaders, those are the only time we show up to connect with our people.

Leadership – The biggest choice you will have to make

As a leader, at some point you must decide what you believe leadership is.

I uttered these words in trU Tips 28, and I can’t stop reading them.  Most of us lead in places where there are no competency models, corporate training departments, coaching pools, or learning and development budgets.  We might not have an exact idea of how to answer this question, and yet it is a question that starts a journey and refocuses a journey.  Once you answer it, these next few questions help you chart a path to personal growth AND significance.

  • Where do you lead in your life today?
  • How would you prioritize these leadership roles?
  • How would you rate your performance in each role?
  • How are you getting better at ________ leadership role?

Continue reading →

. . . and When We Want Feedback – Step 1

(Thanks to Seth Godin for planting the seed for this post – this is post 2 on this topic, see Post 1 if you want to start at the beginning)

I have talked to dozens of groups about feedback, and in almost every case someone comes to me and asks me to give them feedback based on my interactions with them.  I applaud their willingness to seek feedback, but it is the wrong place to start because there is no context.  Some feedback is too broad.  So if you want feedback, here are some tips for gathering valuable feedback.

Step 1:  Mentally be ready

Feedback is not about feeling good (that’s applause), it is about getting better.  There are ways to effectively give feedback that allows us to not only reflect on successes (things we need to KEEP doing), but also identify where we can get better (START doing and STOP doing items).  Regardless of the method, to receive the feedback you have to first prepare yourself to get it, because it is always hard to hear.

Jodi Glickman wrote a book called Great On The Job, and in it she outlines some very simple advice on feedback.  Here are the phases/steps she outlines for getting valuable feedback.

Phase 1:  The Preparation

  1. Plant the Seed
  2. Schedule the Conversation
  3. Provide Specific Guidance (of What You’re Looking For)

Phase 2:  The Conversation

  1. Ask for Concrete Ways to Improve
  2. Say Thank You
  3. Wait, Digest, and Revisit

The number one miss I see happening is skipping Phase 1.  The key to this step is letting people know you will be asking and helping them understand what would help you the most.  If you are working on your nerves – ask them to watch for signs you are nervous.  If you are working on use of humor, ask them to track laughter and how effectively you used humor.  The key is to plant the seed and to pick a time to talk about it that is convenient for them and will be the best time for you to hear it.  fyi – sometimes coming off the high of a 2 hour presentation is not a good time for you to really listen to feedback.

I do a lot of presentations to groups, and when it is possible I take one of my children so they get to experience me at work and I have someone that will give me feedback.  In a presentation last year to a group of entrepreneurs I took my oldest daughter.  I told her before I started that I wanted her to watch me and give me feedback on one thing I could do to improve.  At the end, I took her to dinner and asked her what feedback she had for me.  Her response was “You did a good job Dad, but at the end when you went around the room to ask people What one thing you are taking away from our time together?, you talked too much so it dragged.  At that point people want to leave and you need to keep things moving.”

She was right – I did start too many 20-30 second conversations.  It was great, and it happened because I first focused on The Preparation.  Next time I will be better.

Whether it is a One on One or a performance conversation, Always start with preparation.  Remember, leading and being led is about having Honest Conversations that lead to Thoughtful Actions, that result in Improved Performance.

3 Questions to Transform Your One on One

For at least the first half of 2014, my focus of posts will be around the one on one conversation and individual development.  Since I published the Talent Scorecard, I have become convinced that certain habits in leaders make the most difference – the one on one is a key habit, and I am going to focus providing resources for leaders and individuals to make these great conversations.

There are 3 keys to great one on ones:

1. The individual (not the leader) owns it (ie.  It is their time, not yours!)

2.  The leader never cancels without immediately rescheduling

3.  The leader focuses on: Alignment, Support, Feedback (giving and getting)

Let’s focus on Getting Feedback.  The three questions in the past I have shared that will help build a conversation around feedback for you as the leader are:  What should I KEEP doing?  What should I START doing?  What should I STOP doing?

The core focus of these questions are the basics of feedback 101 – Tell you what you are doing well and get feedback from your team on opportunities to be a better leader. Getting BETTER means– Being reminded what you are doing well, identify some opportunities to increase your effectiveness, and potentially identify actions/behaviors that are getting in your way of being an effective leader.

Sometimes these questions are not effective because they are so different.  Understand the spirit of the questions, and don’t be bound by the words if they do not sound like your voice.  Write your own.  Here are some alternatives, and the text in blue is the intent of the question:

  • What decisions/actions are people still wondering what the WHY was for that action?  (Are you an effective communicator?)
  • As we think about the next 3-6 months, what does the team need?  (What actions would make the most difference?  How effectively are you meeting their needs?)
  • We are doing some operational planning – What do you think should are top 3 priorities should be as a company?  As a team?  (Are you an effective communicator? How aligned is the team with your vision for what is important?  Do you have a vision?)
  • If we were going to pull the team together for a 30 minute update – What do you think they would want to hear about?  (Are you an effective communicator?)
  • What is one thing I did in the last 30 days that made your job harder?  (Do they trust you enough to tell you the truth?  What behaviors of yours are destructive?)

Remember, the goal is to make a safe environment by asking questions, listening thoughtfully (just asking clarifying questions), thanking them for being candid, and making sure to follow-up after you have thought through some things.  Pick one or two of these to ask – – and remember that you are listening for what you did that confused people and/or what do they need more clarity on?  Your questions to gain that clarity is:  Tell me a little more about that? and How could I/we have handled that differently?/What could we have done to get a different outcome?

Managing your talent/team is about having thoughtful conversations.  When we have thoughtful conversations, followed by meaningful actions, we get the higher performance that makes our organizations go forward.

What other habits or questions have you found that are most helpful in leading?